{"id":4507,"date":"2022-02-23T00:58:10","date_gmt":"2022-02-23T00:58:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/?p=4507"},"modified":"2022-06-14T17:23:15","modified_gmt":"2022-06-14T17:23:15","slug":"how-to-negotiate-with-confidence-and-consciousness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/fr\/2022\/02\/how-to-negotiate-with-confidence-and-consciousness\/","title":{"rendered":"Comment n\u00e9gocier avec confiance et conscience"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><a href=\"#1\">Why Do We Negotiate in Business?<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#2\">Why Traditional Negotiation Models Create Problems<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#3\">Why Conscious Negotiation is the Way Forward<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#4\">Negotiation and an Abundance Mindset<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#5\">10 Tips for Effective Conscious Negotiation<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr \/>\n<h3><strong>Let me ask you\u2026 when you hear the word \u201cnegotiation\u201d, what images come up for you?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>For many of us, our minds conjure up that classic imagery of opposing parties on opposite sides of a conference table, eyeing each other up, perhaps whispering confidential strategies to a team member.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-4514 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/negociation--300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/negociation--300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/negociation--80x80.jpg 80w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/negociation--36x36.jpg 36w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/negociation--180x180.jpg 180w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/negociation-.jpg 333w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a high-stakes picture of a boardroom battleground that we may have seen played out in real life, and have definitely seen in movies and TV.<\/p>\n<p>What if I told you that, despite how exciting and powerful these interactions can seem on TV, it\u2019s actually a terrible way to negotiate and usually creates more problems than it solves?<\/p>\n<p>What if I told you that there\u2019s an approach to negotiation that serves the big picture, strengthens relationships, creates mutually beneficial solutions, and all without getting your heart rate up?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s called conscious negotiation and it\u2019s an approach that you can successfully practice even if the other side has never heard the term.<\/p>\n<p><strong>In this article, we\u2019ll explore:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Why we negotiate in business<\/li>\n<li>Why traditional negotiation models create problems<\/li>\n<li>Why conscious negotiation is the way forward<\/li>\n<li>Negotiation and an abundance mindset<\/li>\n<li>10 tips for effective conscious negotiation<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr \/>\n<h2 id=\"1\">Why Do We Negotiate in Business?<\/h2>\n<p>What is the purpose of negotiation? By <a href=\"https:\/\/www.merriam-webster.com\/dictionary\/negotiate\">definition<\/a>, to negotiate means \u201cto confer with another so as to arrive at the settlement of some matter\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>So, what is a negotiation in the business context? It\u2019s the coming together of two or more parties to create a mutual agreement. We negotiate to solve problems, create opportunities, build relationships, tackle challenges, take advantage of what comes up, and so much more.<\/p>\n<p>If the core purpose of negotiation in business is simply to arrive at an agreement, that means the approach you take is open. It isn\u2019t baked into the word. The battleground approach is just one option, and it\u2019s the most limiting one.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2 id=\"2\">Why Traditional Negotiation Models Create Problems<\/h2>\n<p>Let\u2019s consider the question, \u201cWhy is negotiation important in a business environment?\u201d Let\u2019s say you\u2019re negotiating a promotion at work, product costs with a supplier, or the terms of a partnership contract. At the heart of all of those examples is a relationship. One that, ideally, will be long term and mutually beneficial.<\/p>\n<p>Negotiation is important because of the relationships. Yes, we need to solve problems and whatnot, but all of that is facilitated by relationships.<\/p>\n<p>If we approach a negotiation with a win or lose mindset, we introduce unnecessary conflict and separateness into the relationship. It creates a \u201cme vs. you\u201d dynamic where each side feels the need to protect their territory. That isn\u2019t a strong relationship. It\u2019s a relationship of distrust where everyone feels like they have to have their guard up, always wondering what the other side is trying to get out of them.<\/p>\n<p>In this way, it can never be a relationship of trust and respect. And yet\u2026 the relationship is the most important element!<\/p>\n<p>How do we shift away from traditional models? Especially if the people we\u2019re negotiating with are still in that traditional mindset?<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2 id=\"3\">Why Conscious Negotiation is the Way Forward<\/h2>\n<p>I use the term \u201cconscious negotiation\u201d because anytime we want to change an ingrained habit or mindset, it requires a commitment to being fully conscious of how we show up in every moment, so that old and ineffective patterns are held at bay.<\/p>\n<p>Conscious negotiation is an all around approach. It\u2019s a way of being that comes out in your interactions with others. When I\u2019m coaching negotiation skills, I guide people to look within first, because it\u2019s that critical inner work that strengthens them to show up consciously and intentionally. It\u2019s doing the work to become your own unwavering rock in the storm.<\/p>\n<p>Conscious negotiation is really a tool of <a href=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/conscious-leadership-faq\/\">conscious leadership<\/a>. It\u2019s a skill to be honed through practice and <a href=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/2021\/12\/how-to-find-self-acceptance-in-a-world-designed-for-self-criticism\/\">self-acceptance<\/a>. I strongly recommend doing that inner work first to <a href=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/2021\/09\/how-to-develop-your-inner-leader\/\">develop your inner leader<\/a>. When you feel ready to embrace conscious negotiation, keep these three principles in mind as you move forward:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><strong>Be aware of your impact.<\/strong><br \/>\nYou cannot control people or circumstances. You can only control how you choose to show up. This will have an impact on your inner experience, and influence the world around you. Be aware of how you show up and commit to striving for a positive impact.<\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><strong>Focus on the big picture.<\/strong><br \/>\nThe big picture in a business negotiation includes organizational goals, your personal values and <a href=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/2019\/12\/how-do-you-determine-your-life-purpose\/\">purpose<\/a>, and the relationship you\u2019re building with the other person or party. Hold that vision.<\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><strong>Commit to integrity.<\/strong><br \/>\nIntegrity means wholeness. If you compromise on what matters to you, act against your values, let your Gremlins take the wheel, make choices that feel inauthentic to you, you give away pieces of yourself. Like pulling bricks out of a building, it leads to a loss of structural integrity. Commit to staying whole.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<hr \/>\n<h2 id=\"4\">Negotiation and an Abundance Mindset<\/h2>\n<p>Those 3 principles of conscious negotiation will make the most sense, and be easiest to apply, when you embrace the concept of \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/inka-world.com\/en\/ayni-force-reciprocity\/\">ayni<\/a>\u2019 &#8211; an indigenous Andean concept that means, essentially, reciprocity.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-4513 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/abundance-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/abundance-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/abundance-80x80.jpg 80w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/abundance-36x36.jpg 36w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/abundance-180x180.jpg 180w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/abundance.jpg 333w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>So\u2026 why don\u2019t I just call it reciprocity? Because there\u2019s more to it. Languages are products of their cultures, which means there often won\u2019t be direct translations for words that have complex meanings. \u2018Ayni\u2019 is one of those words.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Reciprocity\u2019 means an exchange or agreement with mutual benefit. \u2018Ayni\u2019 brings into that notions of abundance and communal benefit. It is so hardwired in Western culture and Western business practices to see things from a scarcity mindset. The assumption is always that there isn\u2019t enough to go around, that more for others means less for us, and that survival demands looking out for our own interests.<\/p>\n<p>That assumption is fundamentally wrong. And yet, it creeps into almost everything we do in business, especially negotiation. That fear of scarcity drives us to act against our values, and drives a wedge into what could otherwise be valuable relationships.<\/p>\n<p>The scarcity mindset is something we\u2019ve embraced unconsciously for far too long. With conscious negotiation, we make the intentional choice to shift that thinking.<\/p>\n<p>In practicing the 3 principles of conscious negotiation above, I challenge you to also embrace the concept of ayni; to believe in abundance, to believe that there is enough for everyone, and to believe that mutual benefits will have a far higher long term pay off.<\/p>\n<p>With that in mind, let\u2019s dive into what conscious negotiation in business looks like.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2 id=\"5\">10 Tips for Effective Conscious Negotiation<\/h2>\n<h3>1. Issues over positions<\/h3>\n<p>Positions are rigid. They trigger emotions and lead to people digging their heels in. Positions can also be rooted in values, which neither side will feel good about budging on.<\/p>\n<p>Interests, on the other hand, are moving targets. They are the continually shifting circumstances each party is working with. Focusing on interests empowers mutual understanding of what matters to each other, and clarity into where compromises can be made that honour and respect all parties, and leads to growth outcomes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Let\u2019s explore some examples of positions vs. interests in professional negotiations:<\/strong><\/p>\n<table>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td><b>Position Approach<\/b><\/td>\n<td><b>Issue Approach<\/b><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td>I deserve to be paid more and my boss doesn\u2019t want to do that.<\/td>\n<td>Based on my skills, experience and credentials, I am in a position to be receiving higher compensation. I understand the organization has procedures, and there may be other issues I\u2019m unaware of. I\u2019d like to open a discussion.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td>They\u2019re overcharging us for these parts. They need to back down, or we\u2019ll find another supplier.<\/td>\n<td>The recent price increase on parts is out of our budget. I see there have been fluctuations across the supply chain. I\u2019d like to learn more about how that is impacting our supplier and how we can work together.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td>This is the better package for the client, but they\u2019re going to want the cheaper option.<\/td>\n<td>The higher priced package includes XYZ which, in my experience, is what this client needs to succeed. However, I recognize that they may have budgetary concerns. I\u2019d like to learn more about their objectives and limitations to see how we can create a successful agreement.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<p>When you start from positions, you close so many doors. When you start from issues, you bring more doors into focus. It\u2019s a \u201cwinning vs. creating\u201d approach. Are you in this purely to win, or are you in this to create long term success?<\/p>\n<p>Issues are where the most flexibility exists. It\u2019s where you can create solutions while 1) staying aware of your impact, 2) keeping your focus on the big picture, and 3) acting with integrity.<\/p>\n<h3>2. Listen more than you speak<\/h3>\n<p>You\u2019ve probably heard that before, but have you heard this one: the listener holds the power!<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-4511 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/listen-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/listen-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/listen-80x80.jpg 80w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/listen-36x36.jpg 36w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/listen-180x180.jpg 180w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/listen.jpg 333w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>Although I don\u2019t want you to think of this in terms of a power play. Rather, think of it in terms of your capacity to <a href=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/2021\/10\/how-do-you-increase-influence-in-the-workplace\/\">positively influence<\/a>. The more you listen, the more you learn about the people, teams and organizations you\u2019re negotiating with. The more you learn, the better you understand what matters to them and what challenges they face. The better you understand, the more possibilities you\u2019ll see for both of you.<\/p>\n<p>As organizational psychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ted.com\/talks\/ruchi_sinha_3_steps_to_getting_what_you_want_in_a_negotiation\">Ruchi Sinha noted in her TED Talk<\/a>, many failed negotiations are actually the result of misunderstanding rather than disagreement. Commit to listening &#8211; really listening &#8211; and being open to understanding.<\/p>\n<p>So\u2026 what if the other side isn\u2019t talking? Here are some questions to get the communication flowing:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat does this look like for you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat is challenging you most right now?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIn an ideal world where everything is possible, how would you like us to work together?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat comes up for you when we talk about XYZ?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Lean into the power of silence. If they give a short answer, pause. Most of the time, they will want to fill the silence and you\u2019ll learn more.<\/p>\n<h3>3. Show your cards<\/h3>\n<p>Trust is always a two-way street. Of course there are things you simply can\u2019t share, either for legal or ethical reasons, and most people in a business negotiation are aware and understanding of that. There are, however, many things you can share, but may hesitate because of those deeply ingrained traditional negotiation models.<\/p>\n<p>If you want everyone to open up and trust each other, you may have to take the first step. That may sound like:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThis company is important to me. My heart is in the work and I want to continue. I also have personal financial goals that I\u2019m committed to meeting. Part of meeting those goals includes a compensation increase. Are you open to discussing possibilities?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWith what\u2019s happening in the economy right now, we\u2019re concerned about committing to this price for parts. We have to plan for things we\u2019ve never had to plan for before and it\u2019s nerve wracking. What has your experience been?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI know this is the higher price point, and I strongly believe it\u2019s what you need to meet the goals you\u2019ve laid out. Can you tell me more about your current situation? I\u2019m sure the more we both explore, the more possibilities we\u2019ll find.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>4. Choose curiosity over assumptions.<\/h3>\n<p>It can be beneficial to put ourselves in someone else\u2019s shoes and imagine what they might be experiencing, as long as we stay grounded and aware that our minds are engaged in imagination. This is curiosity.<\/p>\n<p>Assumptions, on the other hand, assume that our imaginings are fact, and that\u2019s when we put limitations on ourselves and those around us.<\/p>\n<p>Always choose curiosity. When you think you know what someone\u2019s issues might be, bring it out with curiosity: \u201cWould it be correct to say\u2026 I\u2019m sensing this is a hot button issue\u2026 It sounds like there\u2019s more to this\u2026 Would you weigh in on a thought I had\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The only assumptions you should be making are that you\u2019re seeing things through your perspective, and that there are other perspectives for you to learn from.<\/p>\n<h3>5. Explore your mental models (and theirs)<\/h3>\n<p>Traditional ways of doing things end up creating the mental models that guide us when we follow them unconsciously. Author and psychologist, Adam Grant, recently <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/AdamMGrant\/status\/1494708914922954759\">said<\/a>, \u201cToo many people spend their lives being dutiful descendants instead of good ancestors.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Just because a method worked for previous business generations doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s applicable to today\u2019s world. Or tomorrow\u2019s. We need to fundamentally shift the way we do business because the world has fundamentally shifted. <i>And<\/i> because the world needs to continue to shift in even better directions.Mental models are a huge part of that necessary shift. Before entering into any negotiation, complete the <a href=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/2021\/05\/speaking-your-truth-in-the-workplace-part-2\/\">mental models worksheet<\/a> to better understand where your mindset is coming from, what\u2019s driving it, what truly matters to you, and where you can be flexible.<\/p>\n<p>Exploring mental models is a powerful way to shift your approach to one of creativity, and to ground you in the fact that any negotiation is simply a conversation between humans, meeting on human terms, with human strengths, human struggles, and human values.<\/p>\n<p>Commit to being a good ancestor; to doing the work to shift your mental models, so that you start paving a better road for the ones who come after you.<\/p>\n<h3>6. Know your BATNA<\/h3>\n<p>Your <a href=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/2020\/12\/batna-the-key-to-better-conversations-and-smarter-negotiations\/\">BATNA<\/a> is your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. One of the most common concerns in a business negotiation is that you might be taken advantage of. Nobody wants that to happen, and it can be a valid concern in a relationship where trust hasn\u2019t yet been built.<\/p>\n<p>BATNA means considering all your options before meeting with the other party, and determining your plan of action if an agreement can\u2019t be reached; not just an idea, but a full plan, with steps laid out. For this, it can help to first define your \u2018why\u2019 &#8211; the purpose that drives you, your project or your organization. As Simon Sinek discussed in his TED Talk, your \u2018why\u2019 is what truly resonates with others. It\u2019s also what truly resonates for you. It puts meaning behind all your efforts, including negotiations. Let your \u2018why\u2019 drive your BATNA to ensure that it is designed on a solid foundation.<\/p>\n<div class='avia-iframe-wrap'><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Simon Sinek: How great leaders inspire action\" src=\"https:\/\/embed.ted.com\/talks\/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action\" width=\"1500\" height=\"845\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen><\/iframe><\/div>\n<p>Doing this gets you clear on exactly where you cannot compromise in order to maintain your integrity. With your integrity protected, everything else opens up to possibility, empowering you to focus your negotiations on those big picture outcomes you want to create. If you watched the Ruchi Sinha TED talk, you may have noted her point of not being attached to a specific outcome. Attaching yourself to an outcome creates a rigid, defensive mindset. Knowing your BATNA is the antidote to that. It empowers you to let go of specific, rigid outcomes and stay open to creativity, flexibility and co-creation.<\/p>\n<h3>7. Help them know their BATNA<\/h3>\n<p>Embrace your inner negotiation coach! It\u2019s to your advantage that the other person(s) has the same clarity you have. Remember, the relationship is the priority. That\u2019s the long term win.<\/p>\n<p>People often enter negotiations without full clarity into what they can and cannot accept. They\u2019ve decided what they want to get out of the conversation, but they haven\u2019t really dug into their own \u2018why\u2019, which is where a world of endless possibilities exists.<\/p>\n<p>Use powerful questions to get them thinking. Start with, \u201cWhat truly matters to you,\u201d then, as they respond, encourage them to excavate further with questions like, \u201cWhat about that is most important?\u201d \u201cIn an ideal world, what would that look like for you?\u201d \u201cYou mentioned XYZ. Tell me more about that.\u201d \u201cWhere does that fit into your big picture?\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>8. Work to establish a shared purpose<\/h3>\n<p>A shared purpose is, by nature, an \u201cus together\u201d approach. When you have one, you can move forward as a team.<\/p>\n<p>A really impactful strategy in creating a shared purpose is to get the other person to take the lead in designing it. Early on in the conversation, ask something like, \u201cWhat do you see as our objective here today?\u201d Using a phrase like \u201cour objective\u201d influences them to consider both of you together, and asking them to give their input first helps them to feel at ease and in control of the situation.<\/p>\n<p>The reality is, each of you is in control of yourselves and a conscious negotiation respects that. By giving them this opportunity to exercise their control, you\u2019re guiding them into a mindset of shared purpose and co-creation.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re struggling to determine a shared purpose, there\u2019s an amazing concept of the \u201cthird side\u201d that mediator and author of Getting to Yes, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ted.com\/talks\/william_ury_the_walk_from_no_to_yes?language=en\">William Ury outlines in his TED Talk<\/a>. The idea is that in any negotiation, there are the two sides at the table, and a third side, which encompasses the bigger picture in which the discussion is taking place. Getting clarity on the third side can help you uncover the things that matter to you both, and what you can grow from.<\/p>\n<h3>9. Validate everything they say<\/h3>\n<p>Validating is not the same as agreeing, or giving in. Rather, it\u2019s recognizing their experience and perspective as valid and worthy of mention.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s say you\u2019re negotiating a raise at work. Your manager says, \u201cThe company has standard pay rates based on title and years with the company.\u201d You could respond with something like, \u201cThe company has standards in place. Here\u2019s what I\u2019m experiencing, and I\u2019m wondering what else is possible.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Or, let\u2019s say you\u2019re negotiating the terms of a sales contract. Your client says, \u201cMy superiors won\u2019t go for this.\u201d You might reply with, \u201cYou\u2019re concerned about how your superiors will react. Let\u2019s explore that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In neither of these scenarios are you capitulating or even agreeing. You\u2019re simply validating.<\/p>\n<p>Consider it an exchange of empathy &#8211; being empathetic towards the other, and asking for empathy for yourself. In Never Split the Difference, master negotiator Chris Voss <a href=\"https:\/\/attachments.convertkitcdnm.com\/4065\/ef87f6e1-92bf-48f2-a76f-eebddc96570c\/Never%20Split%20the%20Difference.pdf\">explores this concept<\/a> in depth. It\u2019s about recognizing, with empathy, the other person\u2019s concerns, then asking for empathy in return, which allows you to \u201cdisagree without being disagreeable\u201d. In this way, you stop seeing each other as enemies, but rather, human beings with needs and concerns.<\/p>\n<p>When we feel heard, seen and respected, we feel more at ease and open to co-creation. That\u2019s what validation is all about.<\/p>\n<h3>10. Slow down<\/h3>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-4517 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/breathe-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/breathe-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/breathe-80x80.jpg 80w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/breathe-36x36.jpg 36w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/breathe-180x180.jpg 180w, https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/breathe.jpg 333w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>Urgency creates stress and blocks creativity. Take it slow. Maintain a calm, relaxed pace. Be in no hurry. Even if there\u2019s a firm deadline, acknowledge it with confidence and kindness. That might sound like, \u201cThere\u2019s a tight timeline on this, but I see plenty of time for all of us to be heard and to create an agreement that honors what matters to everyone. Why don\u2019t you start us off?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If others seem to be rushing through things, or pushing others to go faster, call it out with kindness, \u201cI\u2019m sensing you feel pressured to get through this quickly. I respect that and I want us all to walk out of here feeling good about what we create. I\u2019m confident we can do that in the time we\u2019ve been given.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If the urgency is more about the time of day, or other things going on, shelf the discussion for another time. \u201cIt sounds like you\u2019ve got a lot going on right now. I don\u2019t want you to feel rushed into a decision when you don\u2019t have to be. How about we pick this up tomorrow morning?\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>Is Conscious Negotiation Weak?<\/h3>\n<p>Recently, I was challenged with the argument that many of the techniques used in conscious negotiation would be seen as weakness. I was teaching a class and a student was struggling with the fact that this isn\u2019t the way things are done.<\/p>\n<p>You know what? That student was right. This isn\u2019t the way negotiations are typically carried out. These techniques aren\u2019t what many of us are taught and they probably would be seen as weak by anyone dedicated to traditional, battlefield models.<\/p>\n<p>Does that mean this is a weak approach? No. Quite the opposite.<\/p>\n<p>For one thing, anytime you choose to go against the status quo, you\u2019re choosing a path of high resistance; a path that demands inner strength, and a whole lot of courage.<\/p>\n<p>Secondly, if you read back through the tips above, you\u2019ll see that at no point are you expected to capitulate on what matters to you, give in to unreasonable demands, or show your whole hand.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s explore an example. This particular student seemed to struggle most with the idea of showing your cards, and brought up the Ackerman negotiation model. I admit, that threw me. Having since <a href=\"https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/forbescoachescouncil\/2020\/05\/08\/it-pays-to-master-this-one-negotiation-tactic\/?sh=40c5fe2b6eaa\">looked into it<\/a>, it\u2019s a technique I know well (and you probably do too, in some form or another), but I\u2019ve never known it by its name. Now I do and I\u2019m grateful for that learning opportunity.<\/p>\n<p>The Ackerman model is a technique of making an extreme high or low bid &#8211; depending on which side you\u2019re on &#8211; before eventually negotiating up or down to your actual target. There\u2019s nothing wrong with starting on a high or low bid. The problem is tying yourself to a particular outcome, as that closes your mind to other possibilities you may not have considered. It binds your flexibility. As long as you know your BATNA, you\u2019re in a far more advantageous position if you\u2019re open to more possibilities.<\/p>\n<p>What if the other side is using traditional models like the Ackerman model, or some other technique? Won\u2019t they see your approach as weak? Well\u2026 so what if they do? Another person\u2019s perception of you doesn\u2019t change what you have the power to agree to. That power stays in your hands. Let\u2019s say they see weakness (or, what they perceive as weakness), so they try to take advantage of you. Again\u2026 so what? You\u2019ve put in the time and effort to know your business, get clear on your BATNA, consider their side of things, align with your values and purpose\u2026 that\u2019s a strength that can\u2019t be toppled.<\/p>\n<p>Weakness comes from worrying about things you can\u2019t control. It shakes your confidence and divides your focus. True strength comes from staying grounded in the one thing you always control &#8211; how you choose to show up. Remember, all it takes is one person\u2019s energy to shift the whole conversation. Choose consciousness. Choose to challenge the status quo; to be a changemaker; to refuse to take the path of least resistance because \u2018that\u2019s what everyone else is doing.\u2019<\/p>\n<h3>Are You Ready to Take the Next Step?<\/h3>\n<p>To help get yourself ready to negotiate consciously, use the <a href=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/CEO_Negotiation-prep-sheet-1.pdf\">conscious negotiation prep sheet here<\/a>. This sheet will help you get the clarity you need to negotiate with intention and focus. When you fill out the sections for the other side\u2019s perspective, keep in mind that this is an exercise in imagination, not assumptions. It\u2019s meant to develop your skills for seeing other perspectives and keeping your mind open.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>In any negotiation, the one thing you can be sure about is that everyone involved is a human being. You\u2019re all just people. People with similar fears and insecurities, and people with values and goals they need to align with. There is so much space for flexibility and creativity in that, so why limit ourselves and our organizations with a \u2018win or lose\u2019 mindset? Adopt a conscious mindset and open yourself up to possibility.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>If you are interested in conscious negotiation coaching to open up possibilities for yourself, your team and your organization, I invite you to <a href=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/contact-me\/\">connect with me<\/a>.<br \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@type\":\"FAQPage\",\"mainEntity\":[{\"@type\":\"Question\",\"name\":\"Why Do We Negotiate in Business?\",\"acceptedAnswer\":{\"@type\":\"Answer\",\"text\":\"What is the purpose of negotiation? By definition, to negotiate means \u201cto confer with another so as to arrive at the settlement of some matter\u201d.\\n\\nSo, what is a negotiation in the business context? It\u2019s the coming together of two or more parties to create a mutual agreement. We negotiate to solve problems, create opportunities, build relationships, tackle challenges, take advantage of what comes up, and so much more.\\n\\nIf the core purpose of negotiation in business is simply to arrive at an agreement, that means the approach you take is open. It isn\u2019t baked into the word. The battleground approach is just one option, and it\u2019s the most limiting one.\"}},{\"@type\":\"Question\",\"name\":\"Why Traditional Negotiation Models Create Problems\",\"acceptedAnswer\":{\"@type\":\"Answer\",\"text\":\"Let\u2019s consider the question, \u201cWhy is negotiation important in a business environment?\u201d Let\u2019s say you\u2019re negotiating a promotion at work, product costs with a supplier, or the terms of a partnership contract. At the heart of all of those examples is a relationship. One that, ideally, will be long term and mutually beneficial.\\n\\nNegotiation is important because of the relationships. Yes, we need to solve problems and whatnot, but all of that is facilitated by relationships.\\n\\nIf we approach a negotiation with a win or lose mindset, we introduce unnecessary conflict and separateness into the relationship. It creates a \u201cme vs. you\u201d dynamic where each side feels the need to protect their territory. That isn\u2019t a strong relationship. It\u2019s a relationship of distrust where everyone feels like they have to have their guard up, always wondering what the other side is trying to get out of them.\\n\\nIn this way, it can never be a relationship of trust and respect. And yet\u2026 the relationship is the most important element!\\n\\nHow do we shift away from traditional models? Especially if the people we\u2019re negotiating with are still in that traditional mindset?\"}},{\"@type\":\"Question\",\"name\":\"Why Conscious Negotiation is the Way Forward\",\"acceptedAnswer\":{\"@type\":\"Answer\",\"text\":\"I use the term \u201cconscious negotiation\u201d because anytime we want to change an ingrained habit or mindset, it requires a commitment to being fully conscious of how we show up in every moment, so that old and ineffective patterns are held at bay.\\n\\nConscious negotiation is an all around approach. It\u2019s a way of being that comes out in your interactions with others. When I\u2019m coaching negotiation skills, I guide people to look within first, because it\u2019s that critical inner work that strengthens them to show up consciously and intentionally. It\u2019s doing the work to become your own unwavering rock in the storm.\\n\\nConscious negotiation is really a tool of conscious leadership. It\u2019s a skill to be honed through practice and self-acceptance. I strongly recommend doing that inner work first to develop your inner leader. When you feel ready to embrace conscious negotiation, keep these three principles in mind as you move forward:\\n\\nBe aware of your impact.\\nYou cannot control people or circumstances. You can only control how you choose to show up. This will have an impact on your inner experience, and influence the world around you. Be aware of how you show up and commit to striving for a positive impact.\\nFocus on the big picture.\\nThe big picture in a business negotiation includes organizational goals, your personal values and purpose, and the relationship you\u2019re building with the other person or party. Hold that vision.\\nCommit to integrity.\\nIntegrity means wholeness. If you compromise on what matters to you, act against your values, let your Gremlins take the wheel, make choices that feel inauthentic to you, you give away pieces of yourself. Like pulling bricks out of a building, it leads to a loss of structural integrity. Commit to staying whole.\"}},{\"@type\":\"Question\",\"name\":\"Negotiation and an Abundance Mindset\",\"acceptedAnswer\":{\"@type\":\"Answer\",\"text\":\"Those 3 principles of conscious negotiation will make the most sense, and be easiest to apply, when you embrace the concept of \u2018ayni\u2019 - an indigenous Andean concept that means, essentially, reciprocity.\\n\\nSo\u2026 why don\u2019t I just call it reciprocity? Because there\u2019s more to it. Languages are products of their cultures, which means there often won\u2019t be direct translations for words that have complex meanings. \u2018Ayni\u2019 is one of those words.\\n\\n\u2018Reciprocity\u2019 means an exchange or agreement with mutual benefit. \u2018Ayni\u2019 brings into that notions of abundance and communal benefit. It is so hardwired in Western culture and Western business practices to see things from a scarcity mindset. The assumption is always that there isn\u2019t enough to go around, that more for others means less for us, and that survival demands looking out for our own interests.\\n\\nThat assumption is fundamentally wrong. And yet, it creeps into almost everything we do in business, especially negotiation. That fear of scarcity drives us to act against our values, and drives a wedge into what could otherwise be valuable relationships.\\n\\nThe scarcity mindset is something we\u2019ve embraced unconsciously for far too long. With conscious negotiation, we make the intentional choice to shift that thinking.\\n\\nIn practicing the 3 principles of conscious negotiation above, I challenge you to also embrace the concept of ayni; to believe in abundance, to believe that there is enough for everyone, and to believe that mutual benefits will have a far higher long term pay off.\\n\\nWith that in mind, let\u2019s dive into what conscious negotiation in business looks like.\"}}]}<\/script><!--FAQPage Code Generated by https:\/\/saijogeorge.com\/json-ld-schema-generator\/faq\/--><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why Do We Negotiate in Business? Why Traditional Negotiation Models Create Problems Why Conscious Negotiation is the Way Forward Negotiation and an Abundance Mindset 10 Tips for Effective Conscious Negotiation Let me ask you\u2026 when you hear the word \u201cnegotiation\u201d, what images come up for you? For many of us, our minds conjure up that [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4509,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31,32,37,35,36,1577],"tags":[2639],"class_list":["post-4507","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-being-true-to-yourself","category-blog","category-business-coaching","category-career","category-career-coaching","category-leadership","tag-business"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to Negotiate with Confidence and Consciousness - Melissa Dawn | CEO of Your Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/ceoofyour.life\/fr\/2022\/02\/how-to-negotiate-with-confidence-and-consciousness\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_CA\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Negotiate with Confidence and Consciousness - Melissa Dawn | CEO of Your Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Why Do We Negotiate in Business? Why Traditional Negotiation Models Create Problems Why Conscious Negotiation is the Way Forward Negotiation and an Abundance Mindset 10 Tips for Effective Conscious Negotiation Let me ask you\u2026 when you hear the word \u201cnegotiation\u201d, what images come up for you? 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