The Greatest Act of Leadership Isn’t Leading a Company. It’s Leading Yourself.
/in Blog/by Tarek RimanWhen I started my company almost fifteen years ago, I chose the name CEO of Your Life because of a lesson I had learned the hard way.
At the time, I believed it meant creating the life you truly wanted. A meaningful career. Strong relationships. Good health. Time for the people you love. The freedom to make choices that aligned with your values.
I still believe all of those things matter. What has changed over the years is my understanding of how we actually get there.
After coaching hundreds of CEOs, founders and executives, I’ve come to realize that becoming the CEO of your life isn’t really about creating the perfect life. It’s about learning to lead yourself. In fact, I have come to believe that the greatest act of leadership isn’t leading a company. It’s leading yourself.
That may sound obvious, but it isn’t always easy.

Every day I work with remarkable leaders. They lead organizations through uncertainty. They make difficult decisions with courage. They inspire teams, build businesses and carry enormous responsibility. From the outside, it often looks like they have it all together.
Yet many of our conversations are not about strategy. They are about health. Energy. Relationships. Boundaries. Self-trust. And learning to honour the commitments they make to themselves.
One conversation, in particular, has stayed with me.
I was coaching a CEO who was deeply committed to his organization. His board trusted him. His team respected him. He consistently followed through on the commitments he made to others and held himself to exceptionally high standards at work.
As we talked about his personal goals, however, a different picture emerged. Like many leaders, he wanted to take better care of his health. He wanted to exercise more consistently, make healthier choices and be more present with his family. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. What frustrated him was that he wasn’t doing it consistently.
As we explored what was getting in the way, I noticed something. The discipline he demonstrated every day at work wasn’t showing up in the relationship he had with himself.
I asked him a simple question.
Why is everyone else receiving the best of your discipline except you?
The room became very quiet. It wasn’t a question about exercise. It wasn’t a question about nutrition. It was a question about leadership.
Somewhere along the way, he had learned to extend extraordinary commitment to everyone around him while quietly negotiating against himself.

I don’t think he’s alone. In fact, I see versions of this every week.
Leaders who would never cancel an important meeting but regularly cancel the walk they promised themselves. Leaders who expect their teams to take care of their wellbeing while believing they’ll take care of theirs “once things slow down.” Leaders who consistently honour commitments to clients, investors and employees while repeatedly postponing commitments they’ve made to themselves.
Over time, something begins to happen. We slowly lose trust in ourselves. Not because we aren’t capable. Because every promise we break to ourselves quietly chips away at our confidence.
The opposite is also true. Every commitment we keep strengthens self-trust. Every walk. Every workout. Every difficult conversation. Every boundary. Every decision that aligns with our values becomes another piece of evidence that we are becoming the leader we want to be.
This is why I spend so much time helping leaders understand their values before we talk about goals. Goals matter. Strategy matters. Execution matters. But underneath all of that is something even more important.
Who are you becoming? Are your daily choices aligned with your values? Are your thoughts, words and actions moving in the same direction? Where are you leading everyone else better than you’re leading yourself?
These are the questions that create lasting change.

Over the years, my definition of becoming the CEO of your life has evolved. Today, it has much less to do with achieving more and much more to do with becoming someone you trust.
Someone who knows their values. Someone who speaks their truth. Someone who is willing to pause before reacting. Someone who is curious enough to ask, “What is the gift in this challenge?” instead of “Why is this happening to me?” Someone who honours commitments made to themselves with the same integrity they honour commitments made to others.
I’ve come to believe that this is where the most meaningful leadership begins. Not in a boardroom. Not in a strategic plan. Not with a title. It begins with the quiet decisions we make every day when no one is watching.
Because leadership has never been about managing people. It has always been about leading yourself first. When you learn to do that well, your team feels it. Your family feels it. You feel it. And everything else begins to grow from there.
Reflection
As you think about your own leadership, I invite you to sit with a few questions:
- What values are guiding my decisions today?
- Where are my thoughts, words and actions out of alignment?
- Where am I leading everyone else better than I’m leading myself?
- What commitment to myself have I been negotiating against?
- Who am I becoming?
The answers to those questions may tell you more about your leadership than any business strategy ever will.
Bottom line: The greatest act of leadership isn’t leading a company. It’s leading yourself.
How to Ask for a Raise as an Executive
/in Blog, Career Coaching, Human Resources, Leadership/by melissadawnAdvocating for your worth with clarity, calm, and confidence
Know your worth, then ask for it with grace. That’s leadership.
Asking for a raise can be nerve-wracking—even at the executive level. From sleepless nights to sweaty palms, the anticipation often feels worse than the conversation itself.
And yet, it can be more than just a request for higher pay. It’s a chance to practice strategic communication, advocate for your worth, and build deeper alignment with your organization’s goals.
In this article, we’ll walk through:
- Why asking for a raise matters
- The power of non-salary compensation
- How to time your request
- How to approach the conversation like a leader
- What to do if the answer is no
Why Asking for a Raise Matters
Individual circumstances will always differ, but there are some common and more general reasons asking for a salary increase can be important:
- It Signals You Know Your Worth
As a leader, advocating for yourself is just as important as advocating for your team. Asking for a raise communicates that you understand the values that you bring, and that you take your responsibilities seriously.
- It Hones Your Negotiation Skills
Even if the outcome isn’t what you hoped, going through the process hones your skills in navigating high-stakes conversations with clarity and poise.
- It Creates Strategic Visibility
Raises are often tied to performance reviews, but they don’t have to be. Proactively initiating these conversations increases your visibility, raises helpful feedback, and aligns your contributions with organizational priorities.
- It Addresses Role Creep
Executive roles evolve quickly. If your responsibilities have grown significantly, it’s important to adapt your compensation before the “new normal” becomes standard without that critical discussion.

Non-Salary Compensation
A raise doesn’t always come in the form of salary. Depending on your organization, non-salary options might even be more realistic, and just as valuable (if not more so) to you.
Examples of non-salary compensation include:
- Bonuses or equity (stock options, RSUs, performance shares)
- Enhanced retirement contributions or financial planning services
- Increased health benefits, travel perks, or a company car
- Education funding or home office allowances
- Flexible work arrangements or additional paid leave
Non-salary benefits can often reduce your personal expenses, enhance quality of life, or build long-term wealth. They’re also often more flexible for the organization to approve.
Why might these benefits be more feasible? Examples of reasons include:
- May cost the company less or have a tax advantage
- Can be a workaround for pay bands or compensation ranges
- Are often structured to encourage long-term loyalty and retention

When to Ask for a Raise
When is a good time to ask for an increase? There are two factors to consider: strong career moments and favorable company timing.
Strong career moments:
- You’ve taken on new responsibilities
- You’ve hit a key milestone or delivered a major outcome
- You’ve earned a new credential or degree
- Market data shows you’re underpaid
Favorable company timing:
- Before budgets are finalized
- During financial upswings
- Around performance review season

Real Story: Speaking Up, Even When It Felt Too Late
One of our clients had a standout year. She surpassed every objective set for her — leading with vision, hitting targets, and elevating her team in the process.
But, when compensation decisions were announced, she received only a standard increase. The same as everyone else.
She felt disappointed and hurt. Her instinct was to stay quiet. Bonuses and raises had already been finalized. What difference would it make now?
But, in our coaching conversation, we reminded her: “Speaking your truth isn’t always about the outcome. It’s about honoring yourself. You’ll feel better knowing you said what needed to be said.”
So she did. Calmly and clearly, she requested a meeting and shared how she felt, not from entitlement, but from alignment. She named her contributions, her growth, and her desire to understand what it would take to be recognized more fully.
And here’s what happened: Her leader listened. The decision-makers reviewed her file again and agreed. She received an additional raise and a bigger bonus. Most importantly, they had a meaningful conversation about what success would look like in the coming year, setting the stage for more intentional recognition going forward.
Sometimes, even when it feels like the moment has passed, it’s still the right time to speak up. Because advocating for your worth isn’t just about money. It’s about trust, alignment, and owning your impact.

How to Ask Like a Leader
- Make it about value, not entitlement
Link your request directly to results. Include your achievements and the performance of your team.
- Recognize organizational context
Time your ask with business priorities in mind. This shows that you’re strategic, not self-serving.
- Decide your best alternative if things don’t go as planned
In the world of corporate negotiations, this is often called your “BATNA” (best alternative to a negotiated agreement). It’s about deciding, in advance, what you will do if the conversation doesn’t go your way. This keeps you steady, shows you’re prepared for any outcome, and can keep emotions in check.
Read how to determine your BATNA here.
- Back it up with research
Use reliable compensation data (ideally from multiple sources) to illustrate how your request aligns with the market.
- Build your executive presence
The way you show up—calm, confident, and composed—can carry as much weight as what you say.
Learn how to develop your executive presence here.
- Practice the conversation
Run through it with a trusted mentor or coach. Encourage them to ask tough questions to practice answering on the fly. Rehearsal builds clarity, confidence, and emotional control.
- Mind your energy
Don’t enter the conversation from a place of frustration or burnout. Get grounded first. You’re negotiating, not pleading. You’re worthy, not entitled.
Learn how to practice energy stewardship here.

If Your Request is Denied
What if your request is denied? Let’s say you asked for the increase and you explored non-salary benefits, but still got the no. What next?
- Stay composed. Keep your executive presence intact.
- Ask for clarity. Seek a specific explanation, and do it with curiosity—not defensiveness.
- Take space if needed. A line like “Thanks for the transparency—I’d like to think this over and circle back tomorrow” works well.
- Revisit your BATNA. What options did you establish beforehand?
- Request a future review. If the timing is wrong, ask when and how to revisit the conversation.
- Reflect on long-term fit. If your compensation isn’t aligned with your contribution—or won’t be—it may be time to reassess.
Final Thoughts
Advocating for a raise isn’t just about money. It’s about clarity, confidence, and leadership. Whether the answer you get is yes, not now, or no, each conversation helps define the path ahead – both for you, and the organization.
Approach it with preparation, self-respect, and curiosity. At the executive level, how you ask is as important as what you ask for. The more intentional you are, the more powerful and sustainable your success will be.
If you’re done waiting for permission to own your value—let’s co-create your next bold move.
How to Conduct a Performance Review for Year Round Growth
/in Blog, Career Coaching/by melissadawnHow to Conduct a Performance Review for Year-Round Growth
Too many performance reviews are wasted opportunities. It’s time to change that.
When conducted with intention, performance reviews are strategic checkpoints in an ongoing growth journey for you, your employees, and your organization.
Done well, they’re a powerful opportunity to:
- Connect meaningfully with team members
- Assess current performance and progress
- Strategize future development goals
- Align individual growth with organizational objectives.
In fact, the term “performance review” barely scratches the surface of the full potential of these conversations. Many organizations now opt for terms like development review or growth alignment meetings.
This isn’t just slapping a new name on an old practice. It signals a deeper, forward-looking focus. One that will resonate with employees, when the term is backed up by action.
When approached with intention, these reviews can become one of your most effective tools for organization-wide success.

What’s the True Purpose of Performance Reviews?
Start with this fundamental question: Why are we doing this?
If the answer is something like, to deliver feedback… you’re missing the bigger picture.
A strategic performance review should help:
- Identify training and development gaps
- Clarify performance expectations
- Understand personal career aspirations
- Align employee goals with corporate objectives
- Evaluate team structure and hiring needs
- Recognize achievements and strengths
- Identify growth opportunities
- Set goals for the year ahead
- Strengthen leadership-employee relationships
Ultimately, it’s about so much more than looking back. It’s about setting the stage for what comes next.
The Broader Impact of Well-Run Reviews
When done thoughtfully, strategically and intentionally, these conversations can lead to:
- Renewed engagement and motivation
- Stronger relationships between team members and leaders
- Clearer communication pathways
- Better alignment of personal and organizational goals
- A foundation of trust and co-creation

Performance Review Tips for Leaders: Before, During & After
Before the Review
-
Clarify Purpose & Approach
Meet with your team in advance to share the “why” behind the review process. Discuss how it connects to your broader leadership approach, organizational goals, and what you hope for your team to gain from it.
People support what they help create. Bringing clarity and intention upfront helps people feel part of the process. -
Gather Feedback from Multiple Sources
To get a well-rounded view, collect feedback from the people your team members interact with regularly. That could be peers, cross-team collaborators, clients, even vendors or suppliers, when appropriate.
Ideally, make these touchpoints throughout the year. This helps you better understand each employee’s contributions, challenges, and impact, well before you sit down for the review. It also helps employees feel truly seen. -
Provide Preparation Tools
Offer goal review exercises, self-reflection tools, and prompt questions like:
- When did you feel at your best?
- What are you most proud of?
- What challenges did you face?
- What would you like to grow, or do more of?
- How is your work life supporting your personal life?*
*Assure people that questions about personal lives do not need to be answered for anyone else, but are meant as self-reflection tools to help clarify needs, goals and growth direction.
During the Review
-
Separate Compensation Discussions
Linking performance to pay is common. And perfectly acceptable. But linking the two conversations can derail deeper development discussions. Keep the conversation on growth distinct to maintain focus.
- Emphasize Forward Momentum
Acknowledge where things stand today, but keep the focus on future potential. Even when discussing challenges, strive to center the conversation around solutions and next steps. And speaking of momentum, consider exploring the concept of momentum tunnels with anyone having difficulty breaking habits or establishing stronger routines. - Use Clear Data-Driven Metrics
Establish clear, measurable goals, timelines and tracking, and discuss the approach if goals get off track. Emphasize that at-risk goals are an opportunity to learn, improve, and create positive outcomes. It’s always safe to discuss them. - Clarify Rating Systems (if applicable)
If you or your organization uses a rating scale, be transparent about what it means, how it’s calculated, and how to improve:
Vague: “You’re a 7 out of 10. Let’s aim for a 9.”
Effective: “You have a 7 because of three missed deadlines and a higher error rate. Let’s explore what led to that, and see how we can address it for the coming year.” - Guide Employees in Creating a Purpose Statement for the Year
A purpose statement can serve as a guiding star, and as a quick reminder of one’s focus. Guide employees to craft a statement that aligns:
– Their personal values
– Their professional aspirations
– The goals of the organization
That alignment is a powerful engine for sustained growth and engagement.

After the Review
-
Hold a Follow-Up Session
Reconnect within a few weeks to reinforce goals, address obstacles, support action plans, and discuss any issues or concerns that have come up with implementation.
- Conduct Regular Check-Ins
Commit to regular touchpoints that reinforce that the review process isn’t a one-time event, but an ongoing conversation. Ask specific questions about goal progress, as well as open-ended questions like:- “What’s going well”
- “What’s blocking progress?”
- “How can I support you better?”
This is about ensuring people are supported, unhindered, and any potential risks are addressed before they become full-on problems.
-
Provide Goal-Tracking Tools
Whether it’s dedicated software or a spreadsheet template, give your team a system to track their goals and progress independently.
- Normalize and Facilitate Goal Reviews
Schedule periodic goal review sessions for all team members to review and adjust their progress. When done together, it builds a shared culture of continuous improvement. Ensure you keep yourself available for guidance and sound-boarding during these sessions.
Performance Reviews as a Co-Creative Process
Think of performance reviews as a shared leadership moment. You’re not just evaluating. You’re partnering.
When leaders talk about being a team, or “in this together,” this is a situation where you, as leader, can truly walk your talk.
Be a Safe Space
As a genuine partner in employee development, creating safe space sets the right tone for creating together.
- Listen actively, without judgment, and reflect back to ensure understanding.
- Stay curious: “Tell me more…”, “What’s that like for you…” or “What would a great outcome look like for you”.
- Normalize struggle: Be transparent about your own challenges, current and past. Talk about it as simply part of the human experience.
Be a Coach
A coach may lead the team, but is also part of the team, and deeply invested in guiding people to greatness, together.
- Be enthusiastic about their path: “This could really elevate your career”, “I can see this taking you far” or “I’m excited to see how this goes”.
- Help employees build from their strengths and what’s already working for them.
- Remove barriers as much as possible, whether it’s tools, staffing, resources… Let your team see you working for them.
- Recognize that people are whole, with lives outside of work that don’t get left at the door. Ask about personal goals too, and look for opportunities to support them.

Final Thought
When leaders treat performance reviews as strategic, co-creative conversations – not just check-the-box rituals – the impact is felt across the organization.
Growth becomes not just an individual responsibility, but a collective mission – a way of being that gets baked into your organizational culture.We partner with executives and organizations to create performance review processes that drive alignment, build trust, and inspire lasting development.
💬 Let’s connect: [Insert link or direction — e.g., Explore Speaking & Workshops]
🚀 Ready to turn your reviews into catalysts for engagement and growth?
We partner with executives and organizations to create performance review processes that drive alignment, build trust, and inspire lasting development.
💬 Let’s connect: Connect With Us / Explore Speaking & Workshops
The Energy Stewardship Practice of Heart-Centered Leaders
/in Blog, Business Coaching, Career Coaching/by melissadawnThe Energy Stewardship Practice of Heart-Centered Leaders
Leadership today requires more than expert strategy and masterful execution.
It also demands presence, clarity, and sustainable energy — and yet, so many high-performing leaders are running on empty.
It’s rarely the work alone that exhausts us — it’s the stress, pressure, expectations, and near-constant unpredictability.
“You don’t get burned out because of what you do. You get burned out because you forget why you do it.”
— Oprah Winfrey
These added strains can disconnect leaders from their WHY — the deeper purpose that fuels them. In particular, leaders driven by purpose, compassion, and a desire to uplift others seem most at risk for running on empty. In striving to do it all, they’re missing a key measurement: return on energy.
I’ve seen this pattern countless times with clients, and I’ve lived it myself, having hit burnout more than once. Each time, I came out with a deeper understanding that protecting energy isn’t optional. It’s essential. If I want to lead with clarity, impact, and heart, I need a sustainable approach to my own energy.

Recognizing the Energy Drain
Leaders often tell me things like:
- “No one seems to have clarity on direction. Not knowing and trying to figure it out is so tiring.”
- “Trying to make more cuts when we’re already bare bones is taking everything from me.”
- “My team is growing/changing and lately we need to restructure every few months.”
- “Everyone needs something from me.”
- “My parents are aging and need more support.”
- “My kids need me in bigger ways.”
- “I want to give everything to everyone — and I also just need to lie on the couch and rest.”
Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, I hear you. And you’re not alone.
What if there was another way? A way to lead powerfully, compassionately, and sustainably?

Enter: Sustainable Energy Stewardship
This isn’t just about wellness or productivity. It’s about treating your energy like any other vital resource. It’s human sustainability.
Energy fuels decision-making, guides interactions, and impacts leadership effectiveness. It helps you stay calm in times of stress and bounce back from setbacks.
Sustainable energy stewardship means managing your personal energy with the same intention and clarity you give to your leadership. Knowing where your energy goes, what drains it, what refuels it, and making conscious choices to protect it, is about having the strategic clarity to use your energy sustainably, for the greatest possible impact.
Essentially, it’s a strategic alignment of your energy reserves with organizational objectives.
The fact is, you can’t lead through change if you’re constantly depleted.

3 Parts to Your Energy
It’s helpful to see energy in 3 key components:
- Body: Do you crash mid-afternoon or push through discomfort without acknowledging it?
- Mind: Are you slower to make decisions, or second-guessing what used to come easily?
- Inner Being: Are you snapping at others (or yourself) or feeling unusually disconnected?
Each component is interconnected. When you feel emotionally drained, your body feels it too. When you’re physically exhausted, you get “brain fog.” Recognizing and managing these energy flows is critical to leadership endurance.
Think of it as your personal synergy. When the components work well together, the sum – your energy output – is greater than the individual parts.
On the flipside, when one component is depleted, the others can only bridge the gap for so long. Bringing them back into synergy is the only truly sustainable approach.
Understanding Energy Flows
Try this exercise:
For three weeks, including weekends, journal daily – even if just for two minutes – on what fueled you and what drained you each day. Include your body, mind, and emotional state / inner being.
Don’t judge. Simply notice.
Over three weeks, patterns and insights will emerge. That awareness is a powerful first step — one that will guide your next leadership shift.
Remember, awareness comes first, then you can make informed decisions.
This awareness can also help identify warning signs of burnout early on, such as irritability, difficulty concentrating, and lack of motivation. These are warning signs that something needs to change.
Emotional Energy: The Hidden Drain
Most of us recognize the need for nourishment, sleep and movement. We also know we need mental stimulation and brain breaks to clear our heads.
But what about emotional energy? Many of us have never learned much about it, let alone how to regulate it. Yet, in many burnout cases, emotional depletion is at the heart.
What drains emotional energy? Here are just a few causes:
- Doom scrolling
- Overthinking
- Worrying about loved ones
- Financial stress
- Caregiving
- Being constantly needed
- Lack of support
- Interpersonal conflict
- Limiting beliefs
- GUILT
Of course you can’t simply stop worrying about loved ones, or just not stress about money. What you can do, however, is let yourself recognize how these things impact your energy.
That brings us to GUILT.
What usually happens when we start feeling bad about things like caregiving, or getting trapped in a doom scroll? Or if we try to protect our energy with boundaries or rest? We feel guilty! And GUILT is a powerful energy drain.
Simply notice emotional energy drains without judgment. When that darn guilt creeps in, send it packing.

Building Energy Resilience
Energy resilience isn’t about controlling external circumstances. It’s about shifting how you respond to them.
Leaders face a myriad of challenges every day. Maintaining energetic endurance is crucial to navigating them effectively – both in the moment, and with the bigger picture in focus.
Take Julie*, an executive leading a growing team in a high-pressure environment. Between restructuring cycles, aging parents, and the demands of home life, she felt like there was never enough of her to go around.
On the surface, Julie was a successful high-achiever, showing no signs of burnout. Behind that mask, however, she was silently running on fumes. She was exhausted and disconnected.
When we started working together, Julie felt stuck. She couldn’t change her circumstances, so we focused on what she could change: her energy regulation.
- She began taking calls while walking.
- She started cooking healthier meals a few times a week instead of ordering takeout.
- She listened to inspirational books on her way home to arrive in a lighter mood.
- She adopted a confidence-boosting life purpose statement for tough moments.
- She took deep breaths before meetings to reset, as well as throughout the day.
- She gave herself permission to release guilt and self-doubt, and to focus on what she DID complete during the day, and what she was proud of.
Letting go of guilt and self-doubt was a powerful turning point. It released so much emotional energy and made her other shifts more sustainable.
None of Julie’s external circumstances changed, but her energy did. By identifying energy leaks and adding replenishing habits, she built resilience, which had ripple effects throughout her personal and professional life.
*Name and details changed for confidentiality.

How Leaders Can Steward Their Energy – Without Losing Their Edge
Sustainable leadership isn’t about doing less. It’s about doing what matters most without losing yourself in the process.
Here’s what energy stewardship can look like:
✨ Check your energy before checking your calendar.
Before saying yes to that extra meeting or tighter deadline, ask yourself: Do I have the energy for this? If I say yes, what am I saying no to? Does this align with what’s most important right now? Energy is a leadership resource — treat it like one.
Some things we just have to do, even if our energy isn’t there. Asking yourself if it’s in alignment with what’s most important – your values and purpose, as well as personal and professional goals – can help prevent this from becoming a chronic drain.
✨ Stop glorifying exhaustion.
Rest is not a reward—it’s a requirement.
✨ Protect what fuels you.
Yoga? Quiet time? Friendship? Sleep? Connection? If it replenishes you, it isn’t a luxury–it’s a leadership essential, and it needs to be scheduled in your calendar.
✨ Reclaim energy leaks.
Worrying, overthinking, perfectionism, people-pleasing—these drain us more than we realize, and are all signs of saboteurs coming up. When you notice these voices peeping their heads, stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What advice would my wiser future self give me right now?”
✨ Dig into anger.
Anger often masks fear, inadequacy, or shame. Uncovering the deeper emotion helps release energy drains. Take action by journaling, speaking to a coach or therapist, or burning the emotions.
✨ Avoid black and white thinking.
In challenging times, thinking can get rigid, and it blinds us to possibilities. When feeling stuck ask, “What else is possible?”
✨ Advocate for yourself with yourself.
Speak to yourself the way you would to a respected friend.
✨ Cut the noise. Focus on what matters.
Remember, it’s not about doing less, but about doing what matters without losing yourself. For a deeper dive, read about The Art of Non-Doing.

Why This Matters for Leaders Today
Heart-centered leaders give so much. While that’s part of what makes you a brilliant leader, it can also lead to burnout if it isn’t grounded in sustainable energy.
When you’re depleted:
- You lose clarity
- You react instead of respond
- Creativity and compassion shrink
When you’re nourished:
- You have more clarity
- You make better decisions
- You listen more deeply
- You bring a calm grounded energy into the room
- You model leadership with heart and resilience.

Protecting Your Energy Isn’t Indulgent – It’s Strategic
Energy stewardship is the key to leading with clarity, compassion, and endurance.
It’s about working smarter with your energy so your leadership can flourish.
So take the nap. Say no. Let the email wait. Dance in your kitchen. Steward your energy with care and intention.
The best leaders don’t just lead with strategy. They lead with heart. And they protect the power that makes it possible.
If you’re serious about showing up as your most effective, impactful self – your energy must come first. Let’s talk about how you can protect this most essential leadership asset. Connect With Us / Explore Speaking & Workshops.
How to Develop Executive Presence
/in Blog, Career Coaching/by melissadawnHow to Develop Executive Presence
What sets exceptional leaders apart? Executive presence. It’s the intangible quality that builds trust, drives innovation, and inspires success. At its core, executive presence is about stepping into your full power as a leader and creating a lasting, positive influence.
This quality enables leaders to maintain credibility in a crisis, stay composed under pressure, and inspire confidence through uncertainty. Leaders with executive presence shape strong organizational cultures, enhance team performance, and make strategic decisions with authority and integrity.
But how do you know if you have executive presence, and how can you develop it? This guide explores the key traits, leadership skills, and actionable strategies for cultivating executive presence—whether you’re an established leader or aspiring to become one.
What is the Meaning of Executive Presence?
Executive presence is the ability to inspire trust, confidence, and motivation through a blend of authority, approachability, and authenticity.
It’s not just about making a strong impression; it’s about having a positive and lasting impact. Leaders with executive presence demonstrate a poised, approachable manner that inspires trust while empowering others to realize their potential.

What Does Executive Presence Look Like in Practice?
Leaders with executive presence:
- Stay calm under pressure and approach conflicts with curiosity.
- Listen deeply, act with integrity, and welcome diverse perspectives.
- Embrace mistakes as learning opportunities and encourage the same in others.
- Lead by example, celebrate successes, and foster collaboration toward shared goals.
- Hold a big-picture vision and inspire others to rally behind it.
For example, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella’s calm leadership style and future-focused vision transformed the company’s trajectory, revitalizing its position as an industry leader.
The good news? Executive presence isn’t innate; it’s a skill you can develop with practice and intention.

What are the 7 C’s of Executive Presence?
Here are seven essential traits that define executive presence:
- Composure: Staying calm and focused under pressure, even during high-stakes moments.
- Connection: Building meaningful relationships with enthusiasm and authenticity.
- Confidence: Trusting your abilities and embracing humility to learn and adapt.
- Charisma: Inspiring others to follow your lead with trust and enthusiasm – especially beneficial in making long-term goals happen.
- Credibility: Earning trust by being honest, reliable, and transparent about your strengths and limitations.
- Clarity: Communicating ideas and directions clearly and effectively.
- Conciseness: Getting to the point while still delivering meaningful, impactful messages.
Sheryl Sandberg is a great example of embracing connection and credibility when she altered her leadership style after learning she had unintentionally become a bottleneck for her team. By fostering openness and adapting her approach, she strengthened trust and collaboration.

7 Practices for Developing Executive Presence
Developing executive presence is about managing how you show up and respond to challenges. Here are practical ways to grow:
1. Strengthen Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence in leadership (EQ) is critical for managing emotions and responding to others with empathy and composure. Leaders with strong EQ handle difficult conversations, navigate conflict, negotiate with ease, and remain calm under pressure.
- Example: A leader who listens actively during a heated discussion diffuses tension and fosters solutions.
Action: Reflect daily on emotional triggers, your responses, and what you can improve.
2. Use Values and Vision as a Compass
Clarify your core values and align them with your leadership approach and goals. Leaders who pair clear values with a big-picture vision inspire trust and stability.
- Example: A leader who regularly communicates how their team’s efforts contribute to the organization’s mission inspires purpose and commitment.
Action: Write a leadership statement and review it weekly to align your actions with your values.
3. Balance Authority and Approachability
The best leaders blend decisiveness with openness. Authority comes from expertise and clarity, while approachability fosters trust and collaboration.
- Example: Hosting regular office hours in a neutral space for team feedback demonstrates approachability without compromising leadership authority.
Action: Schedule weekly time for open conversations with your team.
4. Develop Clear Communication Skills
Executive presence requires concise, clear, and empathetic communication. Practice active listening and body language that conveys confidence and openness.
- Example: A leader who says, “Tell me more about your perspective” encourages team engagement and trust.
Action: Choose three prompt phrases to practice using daily (e.g., “Tell me more” or “How do you see this playing out?”) and reflect on the results.
5. Embrace Vulnerability
Being honest about challenges and mistakes builds trust and encourages authenticity within your team.
- Example: Admitting to an oversight and seeking input on how to improve strengthens connections and accountability.
Action: Ask your team, “How can I better support you?” and act on their feedback.
6. Practice Strategic Leadership
Focus on intentional decision-making and aligning actions with big-picture goals to prevent overcommitment and burnout.
Action: Reflect on a current goal using the three phases of strategic thinking: situational analysis, decision-making, and execution.
7. Communicate Assertively Without Aggression
Assertive communication fosters psychological safety and respect, encouraging transparency and collaboration without fear.
- Example: Saying, “I noticed some errors. Let’s review them together to ensure success next time” is assertive yet supportive.
Action: Commit to intentionally acknowledge and validate others’ input daily and reflect on how it impacts interactions.

How to Cultivate Executive Presence as a Woman
Women in leadership face unique challenges, including gender bias and the “double bind” of being perceived as too assertive or too soft. Cultivating executive presence helps navigate these challenges while staying true to your values.
Strategies for Women:
- Seek Mentorship: Build relationships with leaders who inspire and advocate for your growth.
- Practice Self-Acceptance: Embrace your unique qualities and strengths to combat imposter syndrome.
- Build an Intentional Network: Connect with women-focused leadership groups to share experiences and gain support.
- Define Your Leadership Style: Create a personalized leadership approach that aligns with your strengths and goals.
- Invest in Development: Continuous learning—through coaching, training, or programs like Positive Intelligence—strengthens your executive presence.
By embracing these strategies, women can lead with impact, inspire systemic change, and break barriers for future leaders.

Ready to Elevate Your Leadership?
Executive presence is your most valuable leadership asset. By mastering composure, clarity, connection, and all 7 C’s, you’ll inspire trust, drive innovation, and lead with unwavering confidence.
Ready to grow your executive presence and unlock your leadership potential? Book a complimentary consultation with us today to get started!
Grieving the Loss of a Pet
/in Blog, Personal/by melissadawnI’ve been meaning to write this post for months. It has been so difficult, and I haven’t felt ready to put the experience out there. Finally, I got pen to paper, and told myself I had to do it to honor my dear Coco.
Coco was our puppy. She wasn’t with us long, but she has left an imprint in our hearts that will always be there.
Coco’s Story
We had been wanting to bring a puppy into our family for a long time. In the summer of 2023 we got the amazing news that one would be available for us on October 2nd.
We were overjoyed! We knew that while life with a puppy would be so rewarding and a totally love fest, it would also come with challenges. As a family, we embraced all of it, and Coco was one of the best things that ever happened to us.
I remember the day I picked her up. She was just sooooooo cute. I put her in a little box to drive her home and she kept trying to get out to be beside me as I was driving. It was pure love from the start.
Coco was pure chaos and puppy-ness. She loved to take our socks and shoes outside. She loved to make holes in our clothes. She loved making a mess. She loved removing the stuffing from her doggie bed and from pillows. She loved chewing the edges of carpets. She loved snow. She loved to be brushed. She loved jumping on my bed to wake me up every morning. She followed me everywhere, even the washroom. She loved begging for dates and figs in the morning. She loved squash, sweet potato, bioK, honey, eggs, meat… pretty much everything! She had an extensive palate, and a family that loved to spoil her.

And it wasn’t just us. Everyone loved her. She brought the neighbors together, put smiles on everyone’s faces, and shared her joyful, loving spirit with everyone she met. You could not walk past her without her wanting to greet you.
That winter, we went on vacation and left her in the care of a neighbor whose house was already Coco’s home away from home. They also had a dog who was her best buddy. They got along so well.
On January 2nd, 2024, we were ready to head home from our vacation when I got the worst message. Our beloved 16 month old Coco had passed away in an accident. We were not even there for her last breath.
While playing, the neighbor’s dog’s teeth had gotten caught in Coco’s choker collar and he accidentally strangled her. We’ve since learned that it is called a choker accident.
Coco’s trainer had advised us to use the choker, saying it would be easier to control her on walks. I trusted the expert and I wish I hadn’t. It was devastating to lose Coco. Especially in that way.
My Grief
Grief is a raw and complex experience. It isn’t just about the space left behind by a lost loved one, but all the emotions that go along with how they died and the choices we made or didn’t make. And of course, every situation is unique.
For me, this amazing light had come into my family and had been snuffed out so suddenly and horribly, and in a way that didn’t have to happen. I’m sure you can imagine the anger, sadness and guilt that came in crashing waves.
We coped as a family, but it was a long time before I felt ready to share the experience more openly. I don’t even know if I’m fully ready, but I feel that sharing our loss is one way I can honor Coco and her joyful life.

The Validity of Grief
Grief can be experienced around any loss, and to varying degrees. It’s about the wound left behind for you. How you experience the loss. It’s valid to grieve the loss of a pet and to be deeply affected by it.
One of the reasons I held back from sharing this is that I know there are people who don’t think the loss of a pet should be so impactful. And I know there are people who have experienced far more devastating and horrible losses.
But I don’t believe that we gain anything by comparing the depths of our grief. My experience doesn’t take away from someone else’s. Someone’s far deeper grief doesn’t make mine any less impactful to me. And when we’re devastated by the loss of a loved one, it means we were once blessed by their presence. It’s ok to grieve that.
If you are experiencing the loss of a person, a pet, a job, a friendship, a home, a situation, a sense of stability, or anything at all, and you feel like you aren’t entitled to grieve – or have been told that by someone – let that feeling go, and let the grief in.
Acknowledge your grief and express it. It was so hard for me to come home to an empty house with Coco’s food and water bowls still there, waiting for her. It was hard to wake up in the morning and not have her follow me around as I went about my routine. Harder still to walk around the neighborhood without her and having people ask where she was.
The more I tried to avoid these feelings and interactions, the heavier the grief felt in my heart. There’s a saying that a problem shared is a problem halved. By acknowledging my grief and talking about it with people I trust, it didn’t go away, but it did start to feel easier to carry.
I repeat this constantly: what happens in one area of life will impact other areas. Your grief is valid and not giving yourself permission to experience it will only cause it to show up somewhere else.
Why is the Loss of a Pet so Hard?
I’ve had some difficult losses in my life, but Coco’s death hit me like nothing before.
Maybe it was because of the way she died, or that I wasn’t there when it happened. Maybe it’s because of the innocence of animals, or the unwavering trust that dogs have for us. There’s also the sense that people won’t understand or might dismiss the sadness because it’s “just a dog” (for goodness sake, please never say this to someone who has lost a pet).
Whatever it is, there’s something about the loss of a beloved pet that’s uniquely painful. That doesn’t mean it’s a pain that’s more or less than any other type of grief. Just that it’s different.

That Damn Guilt
You’re probably familiar with the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance – but I think in a lot of situations, guilt can be a sixth stage, and it’s one that can really keep us stuck.
I had so much guilt about Coco’s death, both because of how it happened and because we weren’t there for her. And it wasn’t just Coco’s death. I also experienced floods of guilt when I almost lost my grandmother. It nearly happened when I was away, and I feel that if it had happened, that guilt likely would have stuck around.
I went pretty far down the guilt trail for a while, and so did my neighbors who loved her so much. But guilt doesn’t serve us. Left to fester, it can become one of our greatest Saboteurs. We can’t change what’s already happened, and guilt keeps us stuck there, ruminating on what should have been.
How Can You Help Someone Grieving a Pet?
As someone who grew up without much emotional validation, I was blown away by the outpouring of love and support that came in. Friends calling and checking in on me daily, people showing up with cards or candles to honor her, one friend made a donation to a golden retriever rescue foundation, and another gave me a bracelet with a picture of me and Coco inside.
If someone you know has lost a pet, simply BE there for them. It matters so much. Don’t avoid the topic. Let it take up space.
You don’t need to spend money or create time you don’t have. Check in calls, texts or emails are often the most meaningful. It ensures the person isn’t alone with their grief and validates that the loss is a meaningful and impactful one for them.
Gifts in Grief
As a coach, I believe that we need to look for the gifts or lessons in all things. I am always posing the question to clients, “What’s the gift in this?”
When it came to losing Coco, all I could think was, “What the f*** is the gift here??”
What was I supposed to learn? Of course I would never use a choker collar again, but that couldn’t be the only thing to gain. I was so sad and angry, and couldn’t imagine finding anything to be grateful for in Coco’s death. I also knew, as a coach and from personal experience, that finding the gifts is part of the process.

I turned to mindful moments, meditation, journaling, lots and lots and lots of crying, and when I felt I had exhausted my anger and sadness, I nudged myself in a new direction. Again, I brought myself the question I had asked others so many times. What’s the gift in this?
I thought about Coco’s impact – her incredible light – and here are the gifts I’m choosing to open myself up to:
- Set the intention to always BE IN the present moment.
I think this is one of the greatest gifts of pet ownership. Animals are always in the moment. On walks, Coco would suddenly stop to roll around in the grass, looking at us with her big puppy smile. She felt an urge and went with it. She probably never had a thought about being in the moment, she was just always there.
Like a lot of people, I tend to get caught in stress cycles, always rushed and thinking about what needs to get done. I need to embrace my inner Coco-ness from time to time and just let myself melt into the moment. I notice that when I do this, I’m able to handle everything else with more ease and joy.
- Put your intuition above your to-do list.
Along the same lines as being in the present moment, I intend to connect with my intuition more intentionally, especially during hurried or stressful moments.
I had meant to tell the neighbors to take off Coco’s collar in the house, but I was in a hurry to get to the airport on time and forgot. Later, while away, I remembered that I needed to message them and tell them. But then I got busy again and forgot again. My intuition was trying to get through to me, but even on vacation I wasn’t slowing down enough to truly connect within.
Our amazing brains process about 11 million bits of information per second, but we’re only able to consciously notice about 40 of those bits. Intuition isn’t some magical force. It’s the mind’s pathway to all of that information beneath the surface, and it can be a powerful tool in our lives.
Intuition first. Always.
- Create awareness around choker collars.
On a more practical side, this is now an issue I intend to be vocal about. I’ve since learned that while a lot of trainers recommend their use, they don’t specify how to use them safely or the risks involved.
I believe they should come with strong warnings, and that all trainers, retailers and anyone involved with pet care should be thoroughly advising pet owners.
I learned all of this too late, so I’m sharing now in case it helps someone else: Never leave a dog unattended with a choker collar on. Only use the collars for walking and only if absolutely necessary. Always take the choker off at home. If you’re leaving your dog in someone else’s care, be vigilant in ensuring they understand and follow the same guidance.
Also, don’t go straight for a choker, even if a trainer or other expert advises. Try a regular collar or harness first. If your dog doesn’t absolutely need a choker, please don’t use one.

Self-Care Practices for Grieving
You deserve to feel your grief and to heal from the loss. Caring for yourself can feel so hard, and if guilt is a dominant emotion for you, it can even feel – in your grief – like it’s wrong to take care of yourself. It isn’t. Here are some ways you can lean into to self care as you move through your grief:
- Seek support from friends or family you trust. It’s natural for people who love you to want to fix your difficult feelings, but if that isn’t what you need or want, it’s ok to say that you need support, not solutions, and to ask them to simply be there for you.
- Look into online resources, support groups and discussion boards. See which ones align with your values and feel authentic to you.
- Don’t hesitate to seek out professional support if you’re really struggling or don’t have a supportive circle in your life at this time.
- Let yourself do less.
- Words of comfort and hope can be really helpful. If someone said something especially helpful to you, write it down and put it somewhere you’ll see it daily. You can also look up quotes or poems on grief and loss for something that resonates with you. Lean into those words.
- Self care practices like meditation, mindfulness, grounding, salt baths, yoga, long walks and even good old fashioned rest can be incredibly supportive.
- Consider what areas of your energy are most suffering in your grief and adopt practices to support, protect and rejuvenate that energy.
How to Memorialize a Lost Pet
Pet loss can be so hard, and there’s little social recognition. Some people have funerals, burials, or memorial services for their pets, but it isn’t the norm and can also be far too pricey.
As you let yourself feel and express your grief, focus on your positive memories. My son said to me, “We need to focus on the fact that we were blessed to have her for 15 months.” In memorializing Coco, I try to focus on all the joy she brought, and I like to imagine her now in doggy heaven, enjoying all her favorite things, and none of the things she hated, like car rides and baths.

If it feels right to you, you deserve to remember your pet in some way. Here are some of the ways we are remembering Coco:
- Creating a little altar in our home with Coco’s ashes, her paw print, and a tuft of her fur
- Lighting candles daily and blowing her kisses
- Compiling a photo album of her life
- Making a collage of pictures to hang in our home
- Keeping her ID tag
- Writing a personal letter to honor her
Here are some ways others have memorialized their pets:
- Had a favorite photo turned into a painting-style print on canvas
- Gotten a tattoo of their pet’s silhouette
- Gotten a piece of jewelry to remember them (you could choose a paw print, birth month flower, special symbol, etc)
- Memorialized their dog’s favorite step
- Framed a favorite toy
- Preserved the chew marks on a chair leg
The Bottom Line
Grief is both a unique and deeply personal experience, and a potential path to connection. Greater connection with your loved ones, connection with a new community, connection with your core self, connection with some greater force… it’s an end, but can also be a beginning when you’re ready and open to it.
Grief is also valid and it’s ok to lean away from anyone who tries to minimize or invalidate your experience.
I will never forget Coco, and while my grief continues to soften around the edges, it will always be there in some form, and I will continue to honor it and to honor Coco ♥️
How to Create Psychological Safety at Work (and why it matters)
/in Being True To Yourself, Blog, Business Coaching, Career Coaching/by melissadawnLet me ask you… Is it safe to speak openly in your workplace? For everyone, and about all things? Is it safe to take risks and make mistakes? To ask for help? To innovate?
What I’m talking about is psychological safety, which is when all members of a group adopt and practice the belief that it is valuable to speak openly, disagree, take risks and even make mistakes, and that there will be no negative repercussions for doing so. In fact, there’s more likely to be positive recognition than anything else.
So, we want to make it safe to fail?
Yup! Personally, I don’t like the words “fail” and “mistake.” My belief is that what are often called failures or mistakes are just stepping stones of learning and progress. However, for this article, I’m going to talk about failures and mistakes because the fear of these things, and the negativity around them, prevent psychological safety, which hinders innovation, co-creation, engagement and growth.
Psychological safety empowers the habits, qualities, and ways of being that enable individuals, teams and organizations to pivot smoothly, achieve high level objectives, and continuously take themselves to greater heights. For that to happen, it must be ok to fail, be wrong, disagree, speak openly, challenge norms, and so on.
As a way of operating, psychological safety must be adopted and practiced by everyone at all levels, especially leadership.
If full, unconstrained openness and innovation are not thriving in your workplace, psychological safety is most likely where you need to put your focus. How do you do that? How do you create a culture of psychological safety in order to reap the full benefits and evolve your business?
In this article, we’ll discuss:
- What is psychological safety in the workplace?
- The link between psychological safety and innovation
- Why aren’t your efforts working?
- How to create psychological safety
- 5 Strategies to foster open communication and trust among team members
- What are some examples of creating psychological safety?
What is Psychological Safety in the Workplace?
I love how McKinsey defines psychological safety as “the absence of interpersonal fear.” Really think about that. It encompasses everything about:
- How we believe we might be perceived
- How that belief is rooted in what we see and experience
- How that belief impacts our wellbeing and performance at work
It’s all well and good to say we shouldn’t care what other people think, but the reality is that what people think about us at work has a direct impact on our success. Having psychological safety – an absence of interpersonal fear – frees people up to use the fullness of their strengths and talents. It empowers progress and innovation.

In her amazing TEDx Talk, Amy Edmonson – professor of leadership at Harvard Business School, and the person who coined the phrase “psychological safety” – refers to it as letting up on the brakes. You absolutely still want to motivate people, hold them accountable and nudge them toward their fullest potential, but you also must remove the things holding them back from actually doing that.
Taking your foot off the brakes means actively working to dismantle the fears, beliefs, expectations and mental models that keep everyone stuck.
What it comes down to, Edmondson says, is that no one wants to appear ignorant, incompetent, intrusive or negative. That’s the interpersonal fear and it drives people to put their energy into “impression management”, which is easy to do by simply never speaking up, disagreeing, asking for help, or challenging the status quo.
The belief that speaking openly could mean looking ignorant, incompetent, intrusive or negative is absolutely driven by workplace cultures. This isn’t an innate tendency to hold back; it’s people responding to their environment and their experience.
Here are some examples of what interpersonal fear and impression management might look like in the workplace:
- Not speaking up, especially if it means disagreeing with the majority, or with a person of influence (someone in leadership or someone with greater social clout)
- Hesitating to share or try new ideas
- Lack of collaboration
- Resistance to new ways of doing things
- High-potential employees getting “stuck”
- Focusing on solutions that will be perceived best, rather than what’s actually best
- Feeling the need to sugarcoat bad news or negative results
- Hiding or offloading mistakes
- Resistance to voicing concerns
It can also manifest as interpersonal issues like gossip, toxic competitiveness, manipulation, gaslighting, and so on.
On the flip side, when a workplace has cultivated psychological safety, here are some of the qualities and habits that are empowered:
- Collaboration
- Innovation
- Strategic thinking
- Inclusivity
- Confident decision making
- Interpersonal trust
- Open communication
That last one is key because in many ways, speaking openly – especially with leaders – drives the other qualities and ways of being.
The Link Between Psychological Safety and Innovation
“Unfortunately, in many organizations, it is emotionally, politically, socially and economically expensive to say what people really think.” (Rashmi Fernandes, Agile Leadership Journey)
Think about what that statement means in terms of innovation. With those brakes on, the ideas, brainstorming, troubleshooting and creativity that naturally arise from open communication don’t have the opportunity to come up, and your team and organization stay locked in the status quo.
In addition to stifled communication, people are also hesitant to explore and try anything outside the box. It all comes back to not wanting to look ignorant, incompetent, intrusive or negative. The cost is too high.
Innovation demands a willingness to fail, so when only excellence is rewarded or recognized, or when failures and mistakes are met with shame or other negative reactions, that reinforces avoiding innovation. It creates a culture of interpersonal fear where it’s safer to stay inside comfort zones.

In order to innovate, people must be willing to take “the interpersonal risks of learning,” as Edmonson terms it. They have to believe, fully, that it is safe to fail and that they won’t be seen as ignorant, incompetent, intrusive or negative for trying.
When my son was little and picky about eating, I would always applaud him for trying a new food, regardless of whether or not he ended up liking it. The outcome didn’t matter; the trying is what counted. As a result, he was open to trying many things, which meant he discovered many foods he didn’t like, but also several he really enjoyed.
It’s the same idea with fostering innovation. Applauding the trying will absolutely result in more failures and mistakes. Those are inevitable. Let go of the outcomes. Continually applaud the trying, regardless of how it works out, and you will drive so much more success and progress than if you only applaud success and progress.
Why Aren’t Your Efforts Working?
Maybe you’ve told people it’s safe, implemented a campaign, hosted a workshop, and continually repeated the message that speaking openly and making mistakes is welcome… And nothing’s changed. Why not??
Here’s the thing: people believe what they experience over what they’re told.
Sounds like common sense, right? But, far too often, organizations will say one thing, but create, foster or enable an experience that is totally different, even without realizing it. When employees don’t see something like this practiced at the leadership level first and consistently, they’re far less likely to adopt the initiative themselves. Worse still, when leadership fails to “walk their own talk”, it feels like a broken promise, which is a common cause of disengagement.
When it comes to psychological safety, it can only truly be initiated from the top because leadership always sets the tone for what’s safe, whether they do so intentionally or not.
Systems aren’t changed overnight, and neither is our way of being.

Put the bulk of your efforts into leadership, with the intention that your leaders will learn how to create psychological safety for the people they lead. Whether this is something you do fully in-house, or you engage external coaching, focus on ensuring your leaders gain the skills to create cultures of safety, are committed to doing so, and are actively putting concrete strategies into practice.
Leaders drive the culture. That’s where you need to make the biggest shift to ensure psychological safety is created for everyone, and the organization begins to see change.
How to Create Psychological Safety
McKinsey highlights three key skills for leaders to develop in order to begin creating psychological safety within their teams:
- Open-dialogue – The ability to explore conflict and initiate authentic conversations.
- Sponsorship – Putting the needs and success of others ahead of your own; sometimes known as servant leadership.
- Situational humility – A continual approach of curiosity, vulnerability, and readiness to learn and grow on a personal level.
These skills cultivate trust between leaders and the people they lead, and trust is critical to creating psychological safety. It’s when employees start to truly believe that it’s safe to speak openly and step outside the box.
Honing these three skills within your leadership team will establish the groundwork for creating psychological safety because, once again, it’s your leaders who set the tone for what is safe. How leaders interact with the people they lead, and how they respond when things go wrong or during times of chaos or uncertainty is what creates (or impedes) psychological safety.
For your leaders to truly embody these skills, invest in their emotional development as part of their professional development. Leaders need to feel comfortable having difficult conversations and owning their areas of struggle. That’s not easy to do, so be prepared to really dig in and excavate some hard truths with your leadership team.
5 Strategies to Foster Open Communication and Trust Among Team Members
Open communication (or open-dialogue) is at the heart of psychological safety. If truly open communication isn’t currently built into your culture, it will be a challenge to achieve. To be able to communicate openly, people need to believe that it’s safe to do so. On the other hand, in order to believe that it’s safe, they need to have positive experiences of open communication. Chicken or egg?
Because of this, leaders must be prepared to initiate open communication in a variety of ways and situations, be prepared for progress to be slow and sputtered, and be committed to consistency, especially in the early stages when it might look like your efforts aren’t getting anywhere.
Trust and openness will not take off in just a few tries. It will take time, intention and commitment. There will be setbacks, failures and frustrations. Leaders must commit to seeing it through.
The following are 5 strategies to foster open communication and trust. These strategies will show results IF you are consistent and committed, even when it feels like a one-sided effort:
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Get curious about the values and goals of individuals
This article points out that when someone is first hired, they learn about the company’s purpose, values and objectives. Rarely does the company put much effort into learning the purpose, values and objectives of the new employee.
It’s often expected that employees should align their goals with company goals, but it actually needs to be a two-way street if we want people to be truly engaged, motivated and bringing their best to the work that they do.
It’s never too late to have these conversations and really get to know what matters to the people you lead. This opens up communication, builds connection, and gives insight into how you can tailor development initiatives for optimal outcomes.
If an employee is struggling to define their purpose, values or goals, that’s a great opportunity to steer them toward coaching or mentoring, which is not only in the company’s best interests, but also sends the message that, as a leader, you are there for their growth, not just their success. That builds trust and nudges those communication doors open even more. -
Act on feedback long term
Trust is so important to psychological safety. Often, when companies first start inviting feedback – either through surveys, anonymous suggestions, open meetings, etc – they will look for low hanging fruit to act on first. That can be a good strategy as it displays a willingness to change and an openness to input.
However, far too often, those quick wins become the only thing acted on. Worse still, some organizations will abandon change altogether thinking that the first burst is enough to make people happy. This comes across as a broken promise and that’s a surefire way to fuel disengagement.
By all means go for some low hanging fruit, or quick wins. Then start getting your hands dirty. Dig into bigger issues and, most impactfully, be open about progress.

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Focus on daily habits
Daily habits are what create corporate culture. Sure, there are benefits to team building events, rewards, periodic workshops, and so on. But those things are really only beneficial when there’s a foundation of supportive daily habits to build from.
What that means is, regular, even casual recognition of open communication in day-to-day life. That could sound like, “I appreciate you bringing up another side to this”, “You got us thinking about different angles and that’s important”, or “Thank you for not backing down today. Courage like that pushes us all to be better.”
Daily habits that foster communication can also mean leaders not shying away from tough topics or sharing their own struggles on a regular basis – “I feel like I’m really off the ball today,” “I’m nervous about this meeting coming up,” “I set this goal and I’m not making the progress I’d hoped for” – and regularly checking in with the people they lead – “You seem fired up today! What’s got your interest?” “You’ve got a lot on your plate this week. What can I help with?” “You seem frustrated lately. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”
Daily habits are going to inform the transformation of your culture more than anything. As a leader, start each day by setting your intention, and end the day by reflecting on how you showed up. Let go of outcomes and focus on what you do control: you.
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Make self-management your #1 priority
At a basic level, self-management means the ability, and willingness, to:
– Objectively assess your own thoughts, emotions and behaviors
– Understand their impact on you and the people around you
– Proactively regulate and adjust your thoughts, emotions and behaviors
Because leaders set the tone for safety, self-management is beyond critical. If you are not successfully managing your own thoughts, emotions and behaviors, you simply are not a person of psychological safety, and open communication cannot thrive within your leadership.
Don’t expect perfection from yourself, but do be open with the people you lead about any missteps or challenges you’re facing. Showing them that you’re working on yourself and openly experiencing struggles increases trust and makes you a safe person to be human with. -
Practice level three listening
The Co-Active Training Institute outlines three levels of listening.
At level one, we hear what someone is saying, but we’re really only listening to ourselves by filtering everything through our own lens or agenda. It’s a disengaged form of listening where we aren’t putting much effort into understanding.
At level two, we’re fully focused on what the other person is saying and putting genuine effort into understanding.
At level three, we have that full listening engagement of level two, but now we’re also tuned into the unsaid – things like body language, gaze, energy levels, hesitations, changes in tone, and so on.
Level three listening really draws people in and makes them feel heard, understood and safe in what they have to say. It’s a technique that takes a lot of practice, but when done right, it’s so powerful in its impact.
What are Some Examples of Creating Psychological Safety?
What might some of these strategies and skills look like in practice? Here are a few examples:
Making multiple communication channels available
A psychologically safe organization makes multiple channels for communication available, understanding that everyone has different comfort levels, and it’s the communicating that matters most, not whether or not someone says things face-to-face, for example.
In such companies, leaders also make use of those channels themselves. If someone isn’t approaching them, they make a point to reach out and try different channels to see what people seem most comfortable with.
Being transparent about terminations
When a psychologically safe organization must terminate someone’s employment, they commit to transparency with their remaining employees because they know that when it comes to fear at work, the fear of being fired or receiving a negative review is real.
These companies don’t violate privacy, but they do speak at a higher level about what led to the termination. They know that when we keep quiet, rumors start and that feeds interpersonal fear so fast.
Here are some in-depth tips on how to terminate employment respectfully.

Implementing daily check-ins for your leadership team
Safe companies hold people accountable. A daily check-in such as a quick call, Zoom or in-person meeting for leaders to quickly share what they did yesterday in terms of fostering open communication, what they plan to do today, and if they are experiencing any challenges or roadblocks (similar to a daily scrum) holds everyone accountable for creating change within their teams.
This can be a powerful technique for keeping leaders engaged and motivated in adopting an approach of psychological safety, and shows other employees that the company is actively committed to change. It’s also an opportunity for leaders to get that critical practice of sharing vulnerabilities, which gives them a sense of what their employees may be feeling, which can help open up new perspectives on how to lead better.
Willingness to ask for help
Psychologically safe companies know that asking for help has many benefits and recognize that people have to feel safe doing so before they will ask for help.
Strong leaders may create safety by doing this themselves. They commit to asking for help – from the people they lead, their peers, those above them, and even outside support like a mentor or coach. They make sure to let their employees see them asking for help, tell them when they’ll be seeking support, and share their experiences of being helped.
They may also continually ask the people they lead how they can help them, and may reframe it as “I” requests. For example, “How can I be useful here?” or “What can I contribute?” This takes the pressure off of people so that, instead of asking for help directly (which they may fear makes them look ignorant, incompetent, intrusive or negative), they’re responding to their boss’s request to be involved.
The Bottom Line
Companies do better when they make psychological safety a priority. When you have psychological safety, it takes the brakes off of all the good things you want and need in order to thrive as an organization: innovation, creativity, adaptability, and so much more. But, it has to be fully adopted by leadership first so that they have the skills and openness to create it for their teams.
If you would like to discuss how your organization can prioritize psychological safety, I invite you to connect with me.
The Art of Non-Doing
/in Being True To Yourself, Blog, Business Coaching, Career Coaching/by melissadawnThe Art of Non-Doing
Let me ask you… Do you feel guilty when you aren’t actively productive? Do you scroll on your phone while watching TV? Do you feel like no matter what you’re doing, you’re thinking about what else you should be doing?
If any of that is hitting a chord with you, I strongly encourage you to explore non-doing.
What is non-doing? For starters, it doesn’t mean doing nothing. Instead, it means doing what’s necessary in the circumstances; no more, no less. For many of us, it’s the “no more” part that we struggle with, but the “no less” part can bring its own set of challenges.
We are in a time where constant doing is what’s most validated. The always-on-call employee, the overworked parent, the exhausted student, the 24/7 leader… we know these aren’t healthy lifestyles, but we still hold them up as paragons of productivity and worthiness. The more productive someone is, the more worthy they are, and that’s just a terrible way to experience the world.
Non-doing is an antidote to the “always on” culture that we’ve enabled. It’s how you can start to reclaim your time, your energy, your relationships, and your joy.
In this article, we’ll explore:
- What is non-doing?
- What are the benefits of non-doing?
- How can non-doing boost creativity and productivity?
- Practical tips for incorporating non-doing into your life
- Overcoming obstacles to non-doing
What is Non-Doing?
“Non-doing” is most commonly associated with the Taoist practice of wuwei, which can be translated as “in-extertion” or “effortless action.”
In Taoism there’s an understanding of “tao” as the natural order of the Universe. This natural order creates a natural, organic flow of life. Wuwei is the practice of going with this flow rather than fighting against it.
Taoism is a Chinese belief system that goes back thousands of years, so it evolved during a time and place that would have looked very different from today’s western world.
Back then, people didn’t have smartphones in their pockets, spreadsheets to sift through, or overflowing inboxes. But they did have plenty of things that would have created urgency. Things like droughts, wars, famines and epidemics. They would have been very familiar with the feeling of needing to be constantly doing in an effort to survive. In that sense, we may have more in common than first thought.
With wuwei, the core idea is that when no action is needed, doing anything is over-doing, which can cause more harm than good. This article uses the example of caring for a plant. When the plant has adequate water, nutrients and light, there is no more to be done. Doing more would be over-doing, and could be harmful. For example, if you give a plant more water than it needs, the roots rot and it dies. Too much sun, and its leaves burn and fall off.
An example in our daily life would be excess worry. Worry – even anxiety – serves a necessary purpose. It helps us avoid danger, prepare for upcoming events, and so on. When worry goes into overdrive is when it causes us harm. We can become paralyzed by it, or exhaust ourselves.
Other examples could be over-working, overly tweaking our diets, micromanaging the people we lead, saying yes to things when we’re already overbooked, having a “rescuer” mindset, and a really sneaky one… guilt! When we feel guilty about not doing more, more, more, that’s over-doing sneaking into our lives.
On the flip side, there’s under-doing. I mentioned above how over-worrying can lead to a sort of paralysis. In that state, we often end up not doing things that really do need to be done. We can also let important things slip through the cracks when we’re over-doing in other areas. When we get inundated with all the little urgencies and distractions of daily life, the truly important stuff gets lost. That’s where over-doing can lead to under-doing, and where non-doing can help you combat both extremes.
What Are the Benefits of Non-Doing?
It’s so important to repeat that non-doing is not “not doing”. It’s doing what’s necessary in the circumstances; no more, no less, which means your primary focus is tuned into genuine needs and priorities.
The benefits of this approach are far-reaching, and can include:
- Greater awareness of what truly matters to you
- More confident decision making
- Enhanced ability to achieve goals
- Stronger ability to focus
- Greater sense of ease in working through challenges
- Decreased sense of urgency in non-urgent situations
- Less stress
- Increased productivity
- Enhanced creativity
- Greater engagement at work and in daily life
- Stronger relationships
Non-doing is about filtering out the mind clutter, the to-do clutter, the unnecessary distractions, and all the things that take you away from what’s really important to you. That includes everything from your relationships at home to your goals at work. It means all those things in the back of your mind that you’ve mentally tagged “someday” start getting space to move into “today” and the richness that that brings to your experience of life is priceless.

How Can Non-Doing Boost Creativity and Productivity?
How can doing less end up creating more?
In terms of creativity, it comes down to not being overwhelmed. The mind needs space to roam and explore in order to see possibilities and create solutions. When we’re overwhelmed, our minds get stuck in a sort of survival-mode. So much of our energy goes into putting one foot in front of the other that we have very little left to tap into our creative side.
What’s important to remember is that we’re not just talking about art or design. What takes a huge amount of creativity are activities like problem-solving, future-planning and strategic thinking. If we think of the human brain in terms of levels, it’s our “higher brains” that deal in creativity, and our “lower brains” that take over when we’re overwhelmed. Non-doing empowers you to tap into those higher brain skills.
With productivity, we all know the experience of constant busy-ness, without getting anything of substance done. Substance meaning it’s moving you closer to your goals, or addressing a very real need. I call this “hamster wheel-mode” because like a hamster in a wheel, we’re running ourselves ragged without actually getting anywhere.
Non-doing steers you away from that empty busyness and toward the actions and decisions that actually produce something for you. That can be productive choices at work, as well as choices in your personal life that produce meaning and fulfillment.
Practical Tips for Incorporating Non-Doing into Your Life
It may seem counterintuitive to have to do things in order to do less. But let’s remember what non-doing really is. It’s doing what’s necessary. Establishing balance in your life is necessary! Doing the work to learn about and incorporate non-doing is an act of non-doing.
Our natural state of being should be to feel at ease in our world. Not for life to be easy, but to feel confident about our ability to overcome obstacles, to have support when we need it, to feel that we’re investing our energy in the right things for us, and to not become burnt out by the challenges of life.
Doing things to incorporate non-doing is a natural and necessary form of doing, which will help protect you from the pull to overdo.
Here are 5 steps to incorporate non-doing into your life:
Step 1 – Get clear on your core values and life purpose.
Your values and purpose serve as your personal guiding light. They will point you in the direction that’s right for you, realign you when needed, and guide you away from the things that don’t serve you (i.e. all the over-doing). If the idea of a life purpose doesn’t quite resonate with you, consider the concept of Ikigai. It’s about digging into what matters to you and what matters about it, so that you can consistently make choices that align with it. That’s where we create meaning in our lives.
Step 2 – Cultivate mindfulness habits that teach you to observe without judgment.
You cannot control what’s happening around you, and will always be exposed to messages and energies of do, do, do.
Mindfulness practices are about awareness of the moment, without the need to do anything immediately, including judging what’s coming up.
Meditation is probably the most well-known mindfulness practice. Contrary to common belief, meditation is not about clearing your mind, but about calming your mind. In meditation, thoughts of your to-do list will still come in, but the practice is to try simply noticing those thoughts, acknowledging their existence, but not assigning them any urgency. This allows you to more clearly see how (or if) all of these things align with your values and purpose.

Step 3 – Establish a big picture vision of the life you want.
When we’re caught in a habit of over-doing, it really is hard to see the forest for the trees. Working to clarify what you really want for yourself will help you better identify what over-doing and under-doing look like for you.
Personally, I like to create a vision board once I’ve gotten clear on my big picture. I use them because they give you a visual reference point to evoke the energy of your ideal future. That’s a huge advantage when it comes to setting priorities.
If vision boards aren’t your thing, I encourage you to still go through the process of building a clear vision for yourself (click the vision board link above for how to do this) and write it all out. You can use full paragraphs, point form, word clouds – whatever makes sense for you, but strive for detail and to really dig into the energy of your big picture.
Take time, each day, to tune into your big picture vision. Doing this, even for just a few seconds, can leave an imprint – like a mental footprint – to keep you focused on what truly matters.
Step 4 – Explore your guilt.
Guilt is a massive driver of over-doing, and even under-doing if your guilt is contributing to a sense of paralysis or powerlessness, or drawing you away from what’s truly meaningful to you. To me, guilt is one of our strongest Saboteurs. It’s like a gremlin in our minds, constantly telling us we aren’t enough. It’s also a big ol’ liar.
Explore your guilt. Look at it from all sides and get really familiar with it, so that you can easily recognize when it’s cropping up, then shut it down.
Step 5 – Practice unconditional responsibility.
Unconditional responsibility may sound like the opposite of non-doing, but it’s actually a powerful tool in helping you clearly see what is truly necessary for you and what would be considered too much (or too little).
Practicing unconditional responsibility means recognizing that you are only responsible for your intentions, your choices and your responses. You are not responsible for how anyone else reacts or for things that come up around you. Even as a parent, you are 100% responsible for how you choose to parent, but you aren’t responsible for things like your children’s moods and – this may sound crazy – how they behave. With unconditional responsibility, you’re responsible for how you respond to how your children behave. The same is true in leadership positions. You aren’t responsible for how other people behave or the choices they make. What you’re responsible for is what you do in response.
Unconditional responsibility is about training your focus onto things that you have genuine control over so that you can direct your energy to where you can have the greatest impact, rather than dumping energy into thoughts, feelings and beliefs that keep you stuck.
Overcoming Obstacles to Non-Doing
Non-doing can be one of the most difficult habits to adopt because the world around us is designed for over-doing, and it all comes down to the idea of scarcity.
A scarcity mindset believes that there just isn’t enough of anything to go around. Enough money, jobs, housing, time, resources, and so on. In a scarcity-focused world, we have to do, do, do in order to have safety and security. If we don’t – if we stop to rest – we’ll miss out, not be good enough, or even lose something really important to us.
The scarcity and over-doing messages around us create a heightened sense of urgency and guilt, and that’s what you need to work through.
Here are 3 tools to help you overcome these obstacles:
Tool #1 – Visual reminders
In the steps above, we explored core values and life purpose as your guiding lights. They will keep you focused on doing only what truly needs to be done and empower you to recognize over-doing tasks. But, that’s easier said than done. Visual reminders are a powerful tool for embedding new habits because they keep your new habit top of mind.
As I mentioned, I use visions boards because they help me to really assume the energy of what I’m trying to create. If that doesn’t work for you, even something as simple as a post-it note in your workspace, a picture, or a meaningful knick-knack can help hone your focus.
Tool #2 – The Eisenhower matrix
The Eisenhower matrix is a task management tool for prioritization. Start by writing out your to-do list, or even just all the “shoulds” on your mind – things like, “my house should always be tidy”, “I should be staying later at work”, “I should be working out more”, and so on.
Once you have your list, get a second piece of paper and sketch out the matrix, or print one out (the link above has a printable PDF). You can even keep a stack of printouts on hand to really make this a habit.
Put each item on your list into one of the squares, using your values, purpose and visual reminder to guide your decisions.
This will help you stay focused on what genuinely matters to you. If something is urgent and important, it gets done first. If it’s important, but not urgent, it gets done next. If it’s urgent, but not important, you can delegate or even let it drop. If it’s neither urgent nor important… bye-bye!
Tool #3 – “What about this matters to me?”
As a tool, I love this question. Whenever I feel strongly that something matters to me, or I notice it’s taking up a lot of real estate in my mind, I ask myself, “What about this matters to me?” It helps me really dig into where my feelings are coming from and what outcome I’m expecting.
Sometimes this question helps me affirm my values, purpose and vision. I get clarity on how the issue fits into my personal big picture, and then I can prioritize it using the matrix.
Other times, I dig in and find that the feelings are influenced by something outside myself. For me, it’s often around making someone else happy, or worrying what someone will think. That clarity makes it easier (not always easy, but easier) to work on letting it go and avoiding falling into an over-doing cycle.

Embrace a Good-Enough Life
Non-doing is really about embracing a good-enough life. So many of us keep striving for better and better. That’s great for things you’re passionate about, but it becomes a form of suffering when we strive for perfection in all areas. We get overwhelmed, we burn out, we beat ourselves up, and worst of all, we don’t stop to just enjoy the good-enough, and celebrate ourselves for creating it.
What areas of your life, right now, are good enough? What do you criticize yourself for? How would it feel to say to yourself, “You know what? This is good enough. I’m going to feel proud of myself for it, and move on.”
You deserve to enjoy your life. Commit to breaking the cycle of over-doing.
If you would like guidance, for yourself or your organization, on ending the over-doing habit and focusing on what truly matters, I invite you to connect with me.
The 6 Traits of Inclusive Leadership
/in Blog, Leadership/by melissadawnLet me ask you… what does it really mean to be an inclusive leader?
Too often, we see organizations claiming to promote diversity, only to learn that it’s far from the truth. It usually takes very little digging to find an all-too-common glass ceiling, problematic workplace cultures, microaggressions, unfair hiring and promotion practices, and so on.
Oftentimes, the organization’s leadership is either unaware of these circumstances, or unaware of just how deep and impactful they truly are. What all organizations need – from small businesses, to Fortune 500s – is a commitment to conscious inclusive leadership.
Inclusive leadership is an approach that actively works toward inclusivity through raw awareness, commitment to truth, and a dedication to doing what’s right. Two key understandings of inclusive leadership are that:
- A sense of belonging is critical to individual and organizational success, and that;
- Traditional ways of doing things are inherently divisive and exclusionary.
As inclusive leaders we must be committed to building our awareness and going against the grain of traditional leadership.
In this article, we’ll explore:
- What being inclusive means in leadership
- What are the 6 traits of inclusive leadership?
- What is inclusive leadership culture?
- How do you promote inclusive leadership?
- What are the benefits of being inclusive?
What Being Inclusive Means in Leadership
Inclusivity is more than diversity. Diversity is about the demographics of the people in your organization; inclusivity is about the culture of your organization.
Do people regularly and proactively speak their truth? Who shows up to informal get togethers? Are there ‘cliques’ and what is their impact? Who’s getting promoted? Whose voices are heard most? How are opportunities distributed? What’s the atmosphere like at break times or as people are organizing themselves before meetings? Who’s taking advantage of internal development programs? Who isn’t and why might that be?
How do you measure inclusive leadership? You have to look at questions like these – questions that dive into engagement, growth, happiness, and so on – and really dig into the “whos” and “whys” in order to get a measure of how inclusive your leadership and culture currently are. When it comes to true inclusivity, it’s always more than just numbers. It’s the humans those numbers represent.
In leadership, being inclusive is all about that raw awareness mentioned above. Truth can be hard to face, but it empowers you to get clarity on where you need to go next.
As a leader, what can you do differently to cultivate inclusivity? How can you increase your influence in a positive direction? Like so many things, it starts with taking 100%, unconditional responsibility for your part and the traits you bring to your leadership role.
What are the 6 Traits of Inclusive Leadership?
In all things, lead yourself first. I haven’t included that as one of the six traits because I could probably include it as a step, tip or trait for just about everything. Always strive to lead yourself first. Everything else will grow from that.
- Self-awareness
In terms of inclusive leadership, you must be aware of your own bias and potential for bias, the strengths that will serve you, and the things you may struggle with.
Yup. More of that raw awareness. This time, it’s all about looking within in order to be more intentional in your external influence.
When it comes to bias, you may feel that you’re a fair person and would never discriminate. However, bias is not always easy to spot, even in ourselves.
Consider the people you interact with most in professional circles. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with people you relate to more easily. However, as a leader, your role is to help others grow and develop their careers. So much of that happens as a byproduct of informal interactions. Getting to know someone over coffee. Making casual introductions. Asking for input. Listening to ideas and experiences. Sharing an interest. Chatting during lunch. It’s during these kinds of interactions that we develop a more well-rounded picture of someone’s strengths and struggles, and get clarity into the ways we can best serve them.
If the majority of your informal interactions are with only a few people, only those people are fully benefiting from your leadership. This is one of the ways that unconscious exclusivity happens in the workplace. Commit to broadening your self-awareness, and taking responsibility for your relationships with others.
Co-creative mindset
How do inclusive leaders behave and approach every situation? They adopt a mindset of co-creation; a commitment to seeking out opportunities to create together.
Creating – designing solutions, developing ideas, uncovering possibilities, etc. – alongside our leaders is a powerful way to learn and grow in experience. When you have a co-creative mindset as a leader, you proactively strive to bring people into those opportunities as much as possible, and especially to bring in people who are likely to think differently from you.
At its heart, inclusivity is about honouring and welcoming the uniqueness in others. True creativity also demands uniqueness. Thus, a co-creative mindset actively seeks out diversity in order to bring richness to the creative process.
A co-creative approach is so beneficial for everyone involved. Just by nature of the approach – by striving to create from everything and with anyone – a sense of belonging, mutual respect and a culture of trust begin to grow.- Unconditional responsibility
Each of us must accept unconditional responsibility for our intentions, our choices, and our responses.
You are not responsible for how other people in your team or organization behave, but you are 100% responsible for how you lead. Whatever is happening within your team, ask yourself how your leadership may be contributing to it, or allowing it to continue.
Ask yourself who you consider to be the “star players” on your team, then look at everyone else. What barriers might be keeping them from succeeding? What implicit biases might you have that impact how you see them? How are they treated by others on the team and how have you contributed to that? What steps can you take, right now, to shift your mindset and approach?
In terms of negative or problematic behaviours from others, how have you responded (or not responded) to that in the past? What do you need to take responsibility for and start doing differently?
- Commitment to integrity
Integrity is when the way you live aligns with what you say. If you say you want to promote inclusivity, then it’s on you to develop your awareness, educate yourself, be intentional about the daily steps you take, and to take responsibility for when you slip up.
Most importantly, it’s on you to believe people’s experience. Saying you support your people is one thing. Believing people and stepping up as a leader when they tell you something is wrong is when you put integrity into practice.
I’m sometimes asked, “What are inclusive leadership competencies?” People want a list of learnable skills that can be put into action and measured. I understand that desire AND I often tell people that it’s less about competencies and skills, and far more about our way of being as leaders.
Integrity goes to the core of who you are. It’s about owning your humanity. Demand that of yourself, and then demand it of the people you lead. Expect people to speak truthfully, and respect their truth. Do your part to create a culture of integrity that makes it safe and welcoming for people to bring their full selves to work.
- Openness to learning
Always assume you have more to learn. Listen more than you speak. Stay open to all possibilities, including your own blindspots.
Inclusive leaders practice an aversion to assumptions. When they catch themselves assuming that they know what someone else is feeling, thinking or experiencing, they say to themselves, “I’m making an assumption and that is not a co-creative approach. What can I learn here instead?” They get curious about their own mental models, what drives those models, and what needs to shift to open themselves up. Beyond openness, be proactive and take full responsibility for educating yourself. It isn’t the responsibility of your employees or colleagues to educate you about different cultural experiences, navigating the world with a disability, building a career as a woman, and so on. It’s on you as a leader to learn. Read about it. Talk to people in your social circles (if they’re open to talking). Join public online groups, especially awareness groups or ones where people share their experiences. Listen to understand, not to share your two cents. - Commitment to equity
An inclusive leader understands that while everyone may work hard, not everyone is working with the same materials, or starting from the same place. This is where equity comes in. It’s an approach that assumes everyone has the same potential to succeed, and that it’s the role of leadership to provide whatever resources necessary for that potential to be realized.
Equity takes the previous 5 traits and puts them into action. Look at the people you lead and assume that every single one of them has the same potential to succeed. Get curious about what they may need to make that happen and be open to co-creating solutions. Believe what they tell you and embrace your responsibility for cultivating an environment where success is not just possible, but realistically accessible.
What is Inclusive Leadership Culture?
Inclusive leadership culture sees inclusivity as integral to the organization’s big picture. It’s not a line item; it’s a commitment to fostering an environment where everyone is included exactly as they are.
When diversity melds with inclusivity, corporate cultures become inherently dynamic. Newness is continuously brought in, embraced, and integrated, which empowers greater flexibility, creativity, adaptability, and engagement for everyone. It becomes the norm for difference to be met with curiosity, and for ideas to be discussed openly.
What is an example of inclusive leadership in practice? It’s really about the everyday practices. It’s our daily awareness, choices, and ways of being that create cultures of inclusivity. An example of this would be always noticing and responding to interruptions. When a person from the more widely represented and/or empowered group repeatedly interrupts a person (or people) from marginalized groups, that is a form of discrimination that feeds the experience of not belonging. Sometimes it’s an intentional act, other times it’s an unintentional microaggression. However, even when it’s unintentional, it points to a deeper problem of implicit bias that needs to be addressed.
Another example might be to stop rewarding people for simply being in the office. Traditional, outdated approaches have rewarded the “first to arrive, last to leave” employees, and those who are willing (and able) to put in extra hours. This has historically disadvantaged huge segments of the working population. Focus instead on what people contribute and actively encourage (and model) a healthy, flexible schedule that allows people to prioritize their lives outside of work.
In an inclusive leadership culture, leaders accept and embrace their role in changing “the way things are”. They understand that a huge part of human behaviour is unconscious, and that it’s a leader’s role to shine a light on what needs to change, and actively lead that change. They also recognize that “the way things are” was designed by humans (and can, therefore, be changed by humans), and was created by groups and systems that were inherently discriminatory.
When people are included exactly as they are – i.e. not expected to fit themselves into an existing, static culture – not only does that create a wider sense of belonging, it also makes it safe for anyone to explore different perspectives and bring their unique strengths and ideas forward. In this way, organizations can become more innovative, productive, creative and adaptable.
How Do You Promote Inclusive Leadership?
Just one person commiting to inclusive leadership can start a shift. However, getting your full leadership team on board can have a far greater impact.
So, once you’re committed, how do you get others on board? Here are a few steps you can take as a leader:
- Use your privilege.
If you’re in a leadership role, you are in a position of privilege within your organization. People likely listen to you and assume you know what you’re talking about. Use that.
Speak with other leaders in your organization. Talk to HR. Talk to leaders above you. Offer to spearhead a company-wide movement. Seek out workshops, training and coaching opportunities and push to get them brought in.
Most importantly, speak out. When you see behaviour that isn’t right, recognize that you are in a far safer position to vocalize it, and do so. When you see an opportunity to create more inclusivity, vocalize that. Refuse to be silent on the issue. Use. Your. Privilege. - Practice mentorship.
As an inclusive leader, mentoring is a powerful way to actively lift up others. So many diversity initiatives focus on hiring and fail at facilitating career development. Remember your commitment to equity and look for the people who could benefit most from a mentorship relationship with a truly inclusive leader; a leader who is open to learning and co-creation.
When you actively work to bring others up within the organization, it starts to change the face of leadership, which has a domino effect. - Cultivate inclusive teams.
In your role, you likely have a say over who is in your team, who is assigned certain projects, who works together, and so on. This is a huge opportunity to promote inclusive leadership and an overall culture of inclusivity.
Of course avoid micromanaging the actual work, but do take an active role in bringing people together. When working across teams or departments, be intentional about who you assign as your team or department’s point of contact. If there are people on your team who rarely speak up, seek to create opportunities for them to share their ideas or what they’re working on.
As you do this, stay aware of problematic behaviours like microaggressions. Ask yourself why some people may not speak up. Are some people interrupted more than others? Who’s doing the interrupting? Are some people consistently left out of meetings they should be at?
A great way to start building an inclusive team is to begin with how meetings are conducted. There are some great tips here for leading inclusive meetings.
What Are the Benefits of Being Inclusive?
Beyond simply being the right thing to do – which should be reason enough – inclusivity benefits organizations in numerous ways.
Here are just a few examples of the benefits:
- Deloitte Australia found an 80% uplift in business performance when employees felt included and believed their organization was committed to diversity.
- Gartner reported that:
- In 2022, it’s projected that 75% of organizations with decision-making teams “reflecting a diverse and inclusive culture will exceed their financial targets.”
- “Gender-diverse and inclusive teams outperformed gender-homogeneous, less inclusive teams by 50%, on average.”
- Glassdoor reported that 76% of job-seekers say diversity is an important factor for them in evaluating organizations and job offers.
- Forbes reported that during the “Great Recession” of 2009, while so many companies suffered significant losses, those “that remained highly diverse and inclusive” experienced stock performance gains of over 14%.
- McKinsey reported that companies in the top quarter for racial and ethinic diversity were 35% more likely to have higher financial returns than other companies.
Further, if you don’t believe that inclusivity is an issue for your organization, it’s worth noting that Deloitte University found that approximately 75% of all employees engage in “covering” at work, meaning they actively and intentionally strive to cover or hide aspects of themselves that may be seen as different and a barrier to fitting into the existing corporate culture.
When people feel the need to cover up a part of who they are, they don’t feel included, they don’t feel psychologically safe, they hesitate to bring forward anything that might set them apart, and they certainly cannot bring their full energy and brilliance to the work that they do.
I generally encourage people to avoid assumptions. But, if we’re to make any assumptions at all, assume that this is already impacting your team and organization, and assume that you can take an active role in shifting that.
If you would like guidance in developing inclusive leadership within yourself, your team or organization, I invite you to connect with me.
Key Takeaways:
- Raw and honest self-awareness, paired with unconditional responsibility, is foundational to inclusive leadership.
- The systems and “ways of being/doing” in place today are rooted in discrimination and exclusivity. Assume they are problematic, assume they can be changed, and assume that you can play a role in that change as a leader.
- Curiosity, paired with integrity (a commitment to ‘walking your talk’), is a powerful agent of change. Lean into it.
How Melissa Dawn is inspiring thousands
Melissa Dawn is a renowned executive & leadership coach, keynote speaker, workshop leader, bestselling author, master practitioner of energy medicine and the founder of CEO of Your Life. Having transitioned from two decades of corporate experience to building her own business, Melissa has a strong understanding of what it means to truly thrive in our professional lives in a way that not only complements our personal lives, but lifts up our full life experience and that of the people around us. As a Master Certified Coach, Melissa takes a holistic, values-led approach to guiding executives and high-level leaders to become agents of positive change by connecting with their inner leaders. Through innovative workshops & coaching programs, Melissa works with individuals, teams and organizations and has helped thousands become the CEOs of their personal and professional lives with confidence, success and joy.
Mélissa inspire des milliers de gens
Mélissa Dawn est la fondatrice de PDG de votre vie. En tant que conférencière motivationnelle, coach de vie et d’affaires, auteure, praticienne énergétique et autrefois VP marketing, Mélissa élabore des présentations non-conventionnelles, drôles et inspirantes qui aident les gens à se découvrir sous un tout nouveau jour et à prendre le contrôle de tous les aspects de leur vie. Elle est aussi l’auteure du livre I Attract What I Am: Transform Failure into an Orgasmically Joyful Life and Business, classé meilleur vendeur international sur Amazon. Mélissa a aidé des milliers de personnes à devenir PDG de leur vie professionnelle et personnelle avec confiance, succès et bonheur.
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Photo by Kelli Tungay on Unsplash