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Pourquoi poser les bonnes questions peut vous aider à devenir un meilleur leader

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À la fin d’une longue journée de travail, plusieurs d’entre nous se sentent épuisés et insatisfaits. C’est parce que nous passons nos journées à résoudre des problèmes ou à réagir en mode “Sauveteur”. N’est-ce pas une bonne chose ? N’est-ce pas ce que nous devons faire au travail ? Surtout en tant que leader ?

Résoudre des problèmes c’est bien, mais il y a deux problèmes avec le mode “Sauveteur” :

  1. Être constamment dans le rôle du Sauveteur est épuisant et nuisible à long terme.
  2. Ça fait avancer les choses à court terme, mais c’est désastreux pour le long terme. En tant que leader, il est préférable de saisir chaque occasion pour coacher les gens à développer leur propre système de résolution de problèmes.

Au lieu de “Résoudre des problèmes”, essayez de “Poser des questions”.

Pourquoi est-il important de poser des questions en tant que leader ?

Les avantages pour un leader de poser des questions sont considérables, mais essentiellement, le grand pouvoir des questions est d’accroître ou de renforcer l’autonomie des gens.

En travaillant tout le temps en mode “Sauveteur”, vous sapez votre énergie, vous vous déresponsabilisez et vous brisez l’autonomie des autres. La croissance stagne. Tout le monde perd de vue l’objectif global et on finit par se sentir coincé dans une roue de hamster, courant constamment, mais n’allant jamais nulle part. Une course au burn-out quoi !

Dans mon article, Triangle of Disempowerment, il est question de prendre en main notre destin en transformant notre discours, en parlant de soi comme un héros, pas un héros qui sauve le monde, mais un héros qui accepte les circonstances telles qu’elles sont, afin de créer un changement réel et durable.

Un vrai héros croit également aux capacités de ceux qui l’entourent. Il fait ressortir le génie, la force et le courage des autres en étant convaincu que ces qualités existent déjà et n’attendent que l’occasion de ressortir.

Poser des questions fait partie intégrante de cette transformation. Le héros est toujours curieux. Il ou elle se demande toujours, quoi d’autre est possible ? Que puis-je créer à partir de cela ? Comment peut-on encore s’améliorer ? Le héros aborde chaque interaction avec ouverture, laissant les jugements derrière lui. Le héros voit un problème et se tourne avec confiance vers les personnes qui l’entourent pour demander : ” Qu’en pensez-vous ?” Parce que même si le héros voit la solution, il sait qu’il est plus constructif d’entendre différentes perspectives et que la croissance des personnes qu’il dirige est la priorité, que c’est ce qui est le plus bénéfique à long terme.

Des questions qui mènent à l’autonomisation

Coworkers chatting

En tant que leaders, notre rôle est de créer un espace sûr pour que les gens se sentent à l’aise de parler, de se confier. Ils doivent avoir confiance qu’ils seront écoutés sans jugement; que ce qu’ils ont à dire sera accueilli avec ouverture.

Bien sûr, nous ne pouvons pas contrôler la façon dont les autres se sentent ou se comportent. Ce que nous pouvons contrôler, c’est la façon dont nous nous présentons et l’intention que nous apportons à notre rôle. Nous devons avoir foi que les personnes qui nous entourent sont naturellement créatives, uniques et pleines de ressources, que leurs idées sont précieuses et ont de la valeur..

On me demande souvent : « Pourquoi “bien” poser les questions est essentiel en leadership ? » Essentiellement, c’est qu’en posant des questions, la plupart du temps, les gens trouvent eux-mêmes les réponses et se sentent à la fois valorisés et responsabilisés. Et n’est-ce pas l’objectif principal d’un bon leader, de renforcer l’autonomie des gens ?

En optant pour la curiosité et la confiance à la base de nos communications, nous permettons aux gens que nous accompagnons de faire valoir leurs idées sans crainte. Même seuls, ils se posent les bonnes questions, ce qui les amènent à trouver les solutions eux-mêmes.

De cette façon, vous n’êtes plus en mode “sauveteur” et vous ne réglez plus des problèmes. Au lieu de cela, vous « leur apprenez à pêcher » ; vous facilitez leur évolution en stimulant leur autonomie, ce qui stimule la créativité, l’ingéniosité, la confiance, la collaboration, l’engagement et bien plus encore.

Qu’est-ce qu’une question puissante ?

rubber duckling

On m’a récemment expliqué la théorie du canard en caoutchouc ( en programmation logicielle ) et c’est un excellent exemple de l’importance et de la puissance de poser des questions, même les plus simples.

La théorie de débogage du canard en caoutchouc (trouver l’erreur dans le code) fait référence à l’histoire d’un programmeur qui gardait un canard en caoutchouc à proximité et qui lui expliquait chaque scénario, au fur et à mesure qu’il parcourait le code. La solution était généralement trouvée en même temps que l’erreur. En verbalisant, tout simplement, il a pu obtenir la clarté nécessaire pour avancer.

Même en posant les questions les plus simples : “Qu’est-ce que vous vivez ? Décrivez-le-moi, étape par étape, avec un véritable intérêt et sans jugement, les gens ont non seulement l’occasion de parler de leurs problèmes, mais ils développent aussi leur autonomie pour trouver des solutions de manière indépendante. Ils développent leur propre dialogue intérieur.

En tant que leader, vous agissez comme un canard en caoutchouc. Vous êtes curieux, ouvert, sans jugement et désireux d’écouter. Vous avez un impact réel (un héros), vous guidez les autres vers une meilleure version d’eux-même (devenir leur propre héros).

Colorful paper planes

Quelles sont les bonnes questions à poser ?

En tant que leader et modèle, essayez de garder vos questions spécifiques et ouvertes.

Pourquoi spécifique ? Pour ne pas recevoir une réponse basée sur la peur ou les habitudes. Si vous posez une question telle que « Comment se passe ce projet ? » la plupart des gens répondront “Bien” par habitude. Ils peuvent également se sentir intimidés de donner un avis général sur tout un projet. Il est beaucoup plus facile de donner un avis honnête sur quelque chose de spécifique. Posez une question telle que « Il y a quelque chose de particulier sur cette fonctionnalité. Quelles sont vos réflexions sur celle-ci ?” À partir de cette question plus spécifique, la conversation est plus susceptible d’être empreinte d’ouverture et d’honnêteté.

Pourquoi ouverte ? Car vous voulez faire parler les gens. C’est de cette façon que la créativité et la résolution de problèmes peuvent opérer. Une question fermée telle que : « Êtes-vous satisfait de ce résultat ? » C’est fermé parce que la réponse peut facilement être oui ou non, et ça termine la conversation. Avec des questions ouvertes telles que “Que pensez-vous de ce résultat ?” ou “Quelles opportunités voyez-vous pour ce projet ?” ou “Où est-ce qu’on devrait aller maintenant ?” vous avez une meilleure chance de faire parler les gens.

Voici quelques exemples de questions révélatrices à poser à quelqu’un, que vous pouvez modifier selon vos besoins :

  • Que voulez-vous vraiment ?
  • En quoi est-ce important pour vous ?
  • À quoi cela ressemble-t-il ?
  • Comment vous sentez-vous à propos de cela ?
  • Et ensuite quoi ?
  • Quoi d’autre est possible ?
  • Qu’est-ce qui est bien à ce sujet ?
  • Quelles sont vos préoccupations ?
  • Qu’est-ce qui se dresse sur votre chemin ?
  • Dites-moi en plus à ce sujet ?
  • De quoi avez-vous le plus besoin en ce moment ?
  • Quel est le pire scénario ? Que se passe-t-il si cela se produit ?
  • Si je ne connaissais rien à ce sujet, comment me l’expliqueriez-vous ?
  • Quelles opportunités voyez-vous ?
  • Quelle est la vision que vous souhaitez créer ?
  • Qu’est-ce que vous choisissez ?
  • Comment vivez-vous cela ?
  • De quoi êtes-vous conscient en ce moment ?
  • Imaginez que vous disiez oui/non, que se passe-t-il ?

 

Maintenir un espace sûr pour accueillir les bonnes questions (et réponses)

Les gens ont besoin d’un espace sûr pour se défouler et explorer. Ils n’ont pas besoin, ni même vraiment envie, que quelqu’un intervienne et les sauve. Ils ont simplement besoin d’être entendus d’une oreille attentive.

Voici, par exemple, ce qui pourrait ressembler une question dans un espace sûr et ouvert à la communication:

  • « Vous semblez avoir des difficultés. Que se passe-t-il ?”
  • « Ce client demande l’impossible. Je ne vois tout simplement pas comment nous pouvons régler ce problème à sa façon !”
  • “Hmmm. C’est beaucoup de défis. Selon vous, qu’est-ce qui est le plus important ? »
  • “Je suppose que ce serait…”

Ces phrases comportent trois éléments clés d’une communication qui a de l’impact : la curiosité, la validation et un état d’esprit « ensemble, nous ».

À aucun moment, nous n’offrons de solutions ou ne minimisons le problème. Dans ces scénarios, nous sommes totalement ouverts, disposés à écouter, à réfléchir et à garder l’espace sécurisant.

Donner aux gens des conseils de votre point de vue n’est peut-être pas la bonne voie pour eux. Peut-être que dans certaines situations vous aurez plus d’expérience pour trouver la solution. Cependant, en tant que leader, votre rôle est de guider les gens à trouver les réponses par eux-mêmes afin qu’ils puissent développer leur propre expérience.

Si vous avez la réponse, c’est super. Conservez-la pour vous. Elle n’ira nulle part. Même si vous vous ouvrez à d’autres possibilités, cette solution existera toujours, vous ne risquez rien en écoutant quelqu’un d’autre en premier. Votre priorité est de créer un espace sûr pour que les autres grandissent et explorent leurs idées.

 

Être soi-même dans un espace sûr pour offrir un espace sûr

Guy walking with his dog

La vraie magie se produit lorsque nous saisissons aussi pleinement les opportunités de croissance personnelle, parallèlement à ceux que nous dirigeons. C’est en partie pourquoi les questions sont un outil puissant pour les leaders. Être un espace sûr pour les autres n’est pas si facile. Cela demande avant tout de la bienveillance envers soi-même. Cela exige de prendre soin de vous-même et d’avoir de saines habitudes de vie pour vous maintenir ancré et connecté.

Je vous suggère une routine matinale intentionnelle, ainsi que de garder un lien fort avec la nature, quotidiennement. Voici pourquoi:

Une routine matinale intentionnelle axée sur l’écoute de votre leader intérieur vous permet de définir comment vous vous présenterez chaque jour avant que quiconque ou quoi que ce soit d’autre ne puisse vous influencer.

Un contact régulier avec la nature vous permet de rester connecté à votre rôle plus large dans l’univers ainsi qu’à la vue d’ensemble de votre vie. Il vous permet de pratiquer la certitude même dans les situations les plus incertaines.

N’oubliez pas qu’un arrosoir vide ne peut nourrir aucune fleur, et remplir votre arrosoir n’est pas seulement pour pouvoir arroser les fleurs des autres. Soyez intentionnel et déterminé à arroser vos fleurs d’abord – c’est-à-dire en vous traitant avec gentillesse et curiosité. Vous serez dans une position beaucoup plus solide pour aider les autres. Vous serez habilité à diriger en étant au meilleur de vous-même, ce qui influencera ceux qui vous entourent à aussi prioriser leur croissance personnelle.

 

Quand vous avez envie de donner des conseils…

L’objectif en posant des questions est d’impliquer les gens dans la prise de décision et la résolution de problèmes. Cela permet aux gens d’exercer leur pensée critique afin d’être mieux outillés et plus autonomes. Cela permet aux gens de se sentir valorisés, entendus et reconnus car ils sont proactivement sollicités. Ils sentent que leur contribution est significative, ce qui les rend plus engagés, créatifs et à l’aise dans leur rôle.

Essentiellement, les questions portent sur l’autre personne. C’est l’occasion d’exercer vos muscles de l’oreille.

Quand je suivais ma formation de coach, un de mes professeurs m’a dit, très fermement : “Quand tu as envie de donner des conseils, respire profondément… ferme ta gueule et pose une question à la place.”

Mettre cela en pratique était difficile. C’était presque comme apprendre une nouvelle langue ! Quand quelqu’un s’ouvrait à moi ou soulevait un problème, c’était un réflexe presque inconscient de donner des conseils. Je voulais aider ! Mais les conseils, à moins qu’ils ne soient explicitement demandés, n’aident personne. En fait, même lorsque cela est explicitement demandé, je commence maintenant par une question et je vois où cela nous mène.

Ce que j’ai dû apprendre, c’est que les gens n’ont pas besoin de solutions. Ils ont besoin d’un espace sûr et ils ont besoin d’être entendus. Même quand la solution vous semble si simple, respirez un bon coup… eh bien, vous connaissez la suite ;)

Lorsque vous voulez vraiment donner un conseil et que vous pensez que cela aiderait à faire avancer les choses, demandez d’abord. Essayez, “Je peux vous donner quelques conseils à ce sujet, aimeriez-vous les entendre ?” En leur demandant et en leur permettant de dire oui, ils seront plus ouverts à vous entendre. S’ils disent non, écoutez.

 

Les questions créent de meilleures conversations

Maintes et maintes fois, les clients me disent qu’ils terminent leurs conversations professionnelles sans avoir dit ce qui devait vraiment être dit, ou sans obtenir la réponse dont ils avaient besoin de l’autre personne. Cela est causé en grande partie par la peur. Cependant, c’est aussi lié au fait que trop d’entre nous écoutent pour mieux répondre au lieu d’écouter pour vraiment écouter.

Vous n’avez pas besoin d’être un coach pour avoir un bonne capacité d’écoute. Vous n’avez qu’à poser de meilleures questions. Surtout dans un rôle de leadership ou de mentorat, savoir poser les bonnes questions et les questions les plus pertinentes est un outil inestimable pour faire ressortir ce qui est enfoui profondément. Cela ouvre des possibilités, renforce les relations et augmente l’engagement au sein de l’organisation.

Aller plus loin

Poser des questions est un outil de communication, ce qui en fait un outil relationnel. Après l’avoir pratiquée comme technique de coaching et de leadership, j’ai commencé à l’intégrer dans ma vie personnelle et j’ai vécu de merveilleux changements dans les relations qui comptent le plus pour moi et dans la façon dont j’interagis avec les gens au quotidien.

J’utilise aussi cette technique avec moi-même. Un bon leadership consiste à poser de bonnes questions, et cela s’étend à l’auto-leadership. Chaque fois que je me sens coincé, je me demande : « Qu’est-ce qui est possible ?

Si vous souhaitez des conseils pour développer vos compétences en leadership – y compris les compétences pour poser les bonnes questions – je vous invite à me contacter. Si vous êtes ouvert à un conseil de ma part… Je vous recommande vivement cet atelier via le Co-Active Training Institute.

Et maintenant je dois vous demander… Et ensuite ?

Networking event with people connecting

Networking Tips to Cultivate Meaningful Connections

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Let me ask you… does the idea of networking feel uncomfortable, shallow or fake to you?

Business networking can get a bad rap because the intention behind it – either the networking itself, or the abundance of networking advice floating around – tends to lack the human connection that makes networking both successful and meaningful (or perhaps, as we’ll discuss further along, successful because it is meaningful).

What’s often left out of discussions around networking in business are the authentic relationships that form a strong network. Instead, the focus is often on advantage – what you can get out of certain connections.

But, it’s business, right? You’re building a client base, forming partnerships, getting your brand out there… you can’t do that effectively if you’re just out there making friends.

Can you?

Yes! And not only is that possible, focusing on the human side of networking – essentially, making friends – will actually create a much more advantageous network.

In this article, we’ll explore:

Why Do We Network in Business?

What is the most important factor in business networking? It’s the relationships. Any business professional, from students to C-suite execs can tell you that relationships are critical in just about every line of business.

Why do these relationships matter? Here’s where you’ll get different answers from different people, but the heart of it is that relationships matter in business because of how you can support each other. Some people will see that as one-sided (what can I get), whereas others see it from a communal perspective (what can we do for each other).

Regardless of where you fall on that spectrum, you can benefit from asking yourself how strong, beneficial relationships are actually cultivated. That’s where you’ll find the answer to better networking approaches that lead to authentic connections.

Why Does Authentic Connection Matter?

The importance of networking in business really does hinge on the quality of the relationships you build. If all you’re doing is collecting contact information and scoring up facetime, you’re not creating value for yourself or anyone else.

A strong business network operates a bit like a hive (only a bit). The people within it genuinely want each other to succeed. They support each other, share information and resources, introduce each other to important contacts, think of each other when opportunities arise, and even seek to protect each other.

Let’s say, for example, an opportunity comes across the desk of a business acquaintance. It isn’t right for them, but it would be perfect for you. They would only really know how perfect it is for you if you have a strong relationship built on trust and openness. They might also only think to share it with you if an authentic relationship exists. Without it, it’s not necessarily that they would be actively keeping it from you; you just wouldn’t cross their mind, even if you were connected on LinkedIn, had met at a tradeshow, and had mutual connections. Without that authentic connection, you won’t be holding space in each other’s minds.

Furthermore, authentic connections aren’t just about moment-to-moment opportunities. They’re also about the health and vibrancy of the business community overall. You’ve probably heard the saying, ‘a rising tide lifts all ships’. When one organization experiences success or good fortune, and IF they have authentic connections with other organizations – connections that have them genuinely and actively wanting others to thrive as well – that success gets spread around.

Without authentic connections, we end up with ‘every person for themselves’ environments, or small pockets of tight bonds and cliques that serve each other, but keep everyone else out. That leads to weaknesses in the overall health of the economy and community.

In fact, that ‘every person for themselves’ approach has permeated our way of doing business for generations. And look where it’s gotten us. The past 2 decades alone have seen 3 significant economic recessions, trust in leadership is at historic lows, and just the past 2 years have seen crisis after crisis after crisis, all of which have impacted business in one way or another.

It’s clear that we need to change the way we do business, and I believe that in order to do that, it’s critical that we change the way we see each other – on a human level – in business. Changing our approach to networking is part of that.

The Advantages of Networking in Business with Heart-led Intention

So… we need to focus our networking efforts on cultivating authentic connections. We need to do that for the health of our businesses, our teams, our own careers, the business community in general, and… for our own well-being!

Nobody feels good about themselves when they are leading from a place of inauthenticity. Compartmentalizing yourself into a work persona and home persona can leave you feeling unfulfilled and burnt out.

However, when you lead from your heart – from a place of radical self-acceptance and alignment with your inner leader – you create meaning for yourself in all that you do. This sense of purpose and meaning cascades out like a domino effect, generating positive influence over the people around you.

When you approach networking with a heart-led leadership style, there’s nothing fake, shallow or insincere. The people around you sense – whether consciously or not – that you are a person of integrity, and genuine connection becomes possible.

At the end of the day, you are worthy of a strong, supportive network built on authentic connections, and so is everyone around you. Not only will you and your business be better for it, the world around you gets a little better as well.

How do we put all this into practice? What does it look like to network from the heart? Here are x professional networking tips and tricks to guide you.

7 Successful Networking Tips for Genuine Connection

  1. Prepare your pitch (but don’t always give it)
    One of the best networking tips is to have a solid pitch prepared in advance. It’s an oldie, but a goodie, IF you know when to give it and when to hold back. First off, why do you need a pitch for networking and how does that make things authentic? For networking purposes, you want to cultivate what’s known as an elevator pitch. Imagine you find yourself in an elevator with someone you’ve been dying to meet with. You have mere seconds to pitch your product, company, self… how do you do it? Think about what you do differently, what problem you solve, what benefit you create for people, what’s unique about what you do or how you do it. For example, if I just say I’m a coach, that leaves things open to the person’s interpretation. There are plenty of coaches out there. What makes me unique? Instead, I might say something like, “You know how many of us wear these masks of who we think we should be, especially at work? That’s behind a lot of the burnout and disengagement we’re seeing. I help people reconnect with their authentic selves and learn to practice radical self-acceptance, so that they can bring their true selves forward, no matter the situation, and experience the joy of building a life rooted in wholeness. “What does this have to do with authenticity? Your pitch (or rather, your purpose) still matters in an authentic connection, but you don’t want it to dominate the conversation, or you risk losing people. When you have a well cultivated, short and sweet pitch, it’s impactful without taking over. When do you give it? When you’re asked! When you approach a new contact, aim to do so with curiosity. Be the one asking questions and truly listening. Hold back your pitch until they ask you.
  2. Stay curious.
    Curiosity is how we truly get to know people and how we initiate connection. When you ask people about themselves and what matters to them, and genuinely listen, they feel heard and valued. The key is, it must come from the heart. If it isn’t genuine, people feel that and it puts up barriers to connection. Beyond asking questions, think about the purpose behind getting to know people – the value and richness it brings to your life to know another person and to widen your own understanding of the world around you. When you fully embrace the richness of connection, your curiosity is genuine and heartfelt. And people feel that too.
  3. Follow up with purpose.
    We all know it’s a good practice to follow up after meeting someone new, but when you’re interested in creating an authentic connection, that follow up must be more than a formality. If you meet a lot of people, it’s ok to have a standard email template for follow up so long as you personalize it for each new connection. Mention something non-business related about the circumstances in which you met, for example, “It was great meeting you at the mixer yesterday. I hope you didn’t get caught in the rain storm on your way out! “It’s also a good practice to ‘share and ask’. Share something meaningful and business-related, and ask for their input as well. That could sound like, “I found this article written by yesterday’s speaker that dives into the concept more. It really got me thinking about positive changes we could be making in our org! What are your thoughts? “Being able to do this well will depend heavily on how well you leaned into curiosity during your initial meeting, so be sure not to skip that tip ;)
  4. Look beyond the networking event.
    When we think about networking, we tend to think about those classic business networking events. The tradeshows, the seminars, the conferences, and so on. You absolutely can make genuine connections at these events, and I do recommend taking advantage of these opportunities. Just don’t fall into the trap of thinking these are your only opportunities. Look beyond these events for the everyday opportunities to connect with people. Take the extra few minutes to chat with your FedEx delivery person. If you have an upcoming meeting that doesn’t need to be at a conference table, suggest an outdoor walking meeting to keep things casual and get the conversation flowing. Get involved with a group like Toastmasters, or find where your skills intersect with a nonprofit organization and volunteer your time. Join groups on LinkedIn that interest you and that have active participation. Talk to people at the gym or join a recreational sports league. Take a class. Teach a class! Open your mind to possibilities beyond the typical networking event.
  5. Make your social circle a little more INefficient.
    In her 2017 TED Talk, organizational psychologist Tanya Menon shared tips and insights for expanding professional networks. One of her most accessible tips is to intentionally work inefficiency into your existing social sphere. What does that mean? It means changing up your routines so that you run into different people. Go to different cafes to pick up your coffee. Change up your route to work. Take walks at different times of the day. Sit with different people in the lunchroom. Our routines are efficient because we can do them on auto-pilot. But, not only do they often prevent us from widening our social circle, they can also unintentionally close our minds to a lot of different perspectives and ways of thinking, even within ourselves.
  6. “I appreciate you.”
    If you watched the hit show, Ted Lasso, you probably noticed Ted’s unique and heartwarming way of saying thank you: “I appreciate you.” It’s so impactful. It’s not just appreciating what the person can do for you, but appreciating them as a human being. It’s also memorable and connection-creating. Adopt the “I appreciate you” route and/or think of other ways you can word common phrases to make their meaning more genuine. For example, instead of “How are you”, try “What’s coming up in your world these days?” Instead of “Thanks for following up” you might try “It’s always great to connect with you.” Instead of “It was nice meeting you” try “I’m glad we know each other now. “Especially when it comes to those common, tired, lost-of-all-meaning phrases we use, both in our personal and professional lives, finding a fresh and more genuine way of saying things can help spark a true connection.
  7. Schedule relationship-building time.
    We all need to be doing more of this in our professional networks and, let’s face it, probably in our personal relationships as well. We get so busy and distracted that it’s normal for us to take relationships for granted. As part of your time-ownership practice, intentionally schedule time slots for relationship building. This can mean booking actual meet ups or phone calls, but on a more basic and accessible level, it can also mean going through your contacts to think about who you’d really like to connect with and maybe shoot them an email to see how they’re doing. It can also mean taking time to think about what’s been going on in your work or in the world lately, and see who comes to mind in your network that you could reach out to. Keep going back to curiosity. Who can you ask? Who do you want to know better? Who can teach you something or give a different perspective? Who can you offer support to? The fact is, if we don’t schedule this, we don’t do it, and that’s where a lot of potentially meaningful connections can go stale.
  8. Be active and intentional in online networks.
    Networks like LinkedIn and Facebook still have a lot to offer in terms of making genuine connections. The key is that you have to be consistent and intentional in how you use them. If you’re like many people, there’s a good chance you haven’t freshened up your LinkedIn profile in a while. Remember, your profile is more than a CV. It’s an opportunity to really showcase who you are, what matters to you, your strengths, your interests, your expertise, and the value that you bring. Is that shining through in your profile right now? If not, time for a tune up! Next is to look at how you’re interacting. It matters to people when someone comments on their posts, especially if it’s to ask a question. Just as you would in a real life interaction, aim to show up with curiosity first and foremost. Yes, share your own posts, insights, ideas, and so on. But, make curiosity your default to spark connections.
  9. Be a giver (and learn how to identify takers).
    This tip is about protecting yourself as a heart-led networker. Givers create success and connection. In fact, givers are so good at creating success that their way of being can impact entire organizations. The downside, however, is that givers are at high risk of burning out in the presence of takers. I highly recommend watching this TED Talk from organizational psychologist Adam Grant to get a better understanding of givers, takers and why awareness of each type matters. It’s probably obvious why being a giver would help you create more solid connections. After all, it’s nice – and memorable – when people do things for you. As a heart-led networker, being a giver, with no expectation of receiving anything in return, can lead to some pretty amazing connections that bring so much richness to your life. Just be aware of takers. They are your kryptonite. Practice recognizing them, understand that they often don’t reveal themselves right away, and commit to avoiding those relationships and letting go of any that are currently in your life. Takers are not a healthy part of a strong network.
  10. Speak your truth.
    Honesty and openness are the foundations of genuine connections. Speaking your truth might mean disagreeing with someone, but that doesn’t mean alienating a potential connection. In fact, respectful disagreements can sometimes lead to the best conversations! Just ask the man who had the courage to tell THE Richard Branson what he was doing wrong :)Don’t shy away from your truth. Practice speaking your truth respectfully, and embracing your truth as a worthy part of your inner experience. Understand that opening up about your perspective can be a great start to inviting others to open up about theirs. It’s about showing up with integrity, not hiding parts of yourself to please others, but opening yourself up for others to connect with you in authentic ways that lead to stronger relationships.

Professional networking is only shallow if that’s your approach. Remember, the one thing you always control, in any situation, is how you show up. Show up with the intention to create genuine connections – to make friends! Forget that old transactional idea of making ‘the right’ connections and shift your mind to making real connections. That’s how we start doing things differently, so that we can create different things.

If you would like help developing your networking skills, or those of your leadership team, I invite you to connect with me.

How to Negotiate with Confidence and Consciousness

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Let me ask you… when you hear the word “negotiation”, what images come up for you?

For many of us, our minds conjure up that classic imagery of opposing parties on opposite sides of a conference table, eyeing each other up, perhaps whispering confidential strategies to a team member.

It’s a high-stakes picture of a boardroom battleground that we may have seen played out in real life, and have definitely seen in movies and TV.

What if I told you that, despite how exciting and powerful these interactions can seem on TV, it’s actually a terrible way to negotiate and usually creates more problems than it solves?

What if I told you that there’s an approach to negotiation that serves the big picture, strengthens relationships, creates mutually beneficial solutions, and all without getting your heart rate up?

It’s called conscious negotiation and it’s an approach that you can successfully practice even if the other side has never heard the term.

In this article, we’ll explore:

  • Why we negotiate in business
  • Why traditional negotiation models create problems
  • Why conscious negotiation is the way forward
  • Negotiation and an abundance mindset
  • 10 tips for effective conscious negotiation

Why Do We Negotiate in Business?

What is the purpose of negotiation? By definition, to negotiate means “to confer with another so as to arrive at the settlement of some matter”.

So, what is a negotiation in the business context? It’s the coming together of two or more parties to create a mutual agreement. We negotiate to solve problems, create opportunities, build relationships, tackle challenges, take advantage of what comes up, and so much more.

If the core purpose of negotiation in business is simply to arrive at an agreement, that means the approach you take is open. It isn’t baked into the word. The battleground approach is just one option, and it’s the most limiting one.

Why Traditional Negotiation Models Create Problems

Let’s consider the question, “Why is negotiation important in a business environment?” Let’s say you’re negotiating a promotion at work, product costs with a supplier, or the terms of a partnership contract. At the heart of all of those examples is a relationship. One that, ideally, will be long term and mutually beneficial.

Negotiation is important because of the relationships. Yes, we need to solve problems and whatnot, but all of that is facilitated by relationships.

If we approach a negotiation with a win or lose mindset, we introduce unnecessary conflict and separateness into the relationship. It creates a “me vs. you” dynamic where each side feels the need to protect their territory. That isn’t a strong relationship. It’s a relationship of distrust where everyone feels like they have to have their guard up, always wondering what the other side is trying to get out of them.

In this way, it can never be a relationship of trust and respect. And yet… the relationship is the most important element!

How do we shift away from traditional models? Especially if the people we’re negotiating with are still in that traditional mindset?

Why Conscious Negotiation is the Way Forward

I use the term “conscious negotiation” because anytime we want to change an ingrained habit or mindset, it requires a commitment to being fully conscious of how we show up in every moment, so that old and ineffective patterns are held at bay.

Conscious negotiation is an all around approach. It’s a way of being that comes out in your interactions with others. When I’m coaching negotiation skills, I guide people to look within first, because it’s that critical inner work that strengthens them to show up consciously and intentionally. It’s doing the work to become your own unwavering rock in the storm.

Conscious negotiation is really a tool of conscious leadership. It’s a skill to be honed through practice and self-acceptance. I strongly recommend doing that inner work first to develop your inner leader. When you feel ready to embrace conscious negotiation, keep these three principles in mind as you move forward:

  1. Be aware of your impact.
    You cannot control people or circumstances. You can only control how you choose to show up. This will have an impact on your inner experience, and influence the world around you. Be aware of how you show up and commit to striving for a positive impact.
  2. Focus on the big picture.
    The big picture in a business negotiation includes organizational goals, your personal values and purpose, and the relationship you’re building with the other person or party. Hold that vision.
  3. Commit to integrity.
    Integrity means wholeness. If you compromise on what matters to you, act against your values, let your Gremlins take the wheel, make choices that feel inauthentic to you, you give away pieces of yourself. Like pulling bricks out of a building, it leads to a loss of structural integrity. Commit to staying whole.

Negotiation and an Abundance Mindset

Those 3 principles of conscious negotiation will make the most sense, and be easiest to apply, when you embrace the concept of ‘ayni’ – an indigenous Andean concept that means, essentially, reciprocity.

So… why don’t I just call it reciprocity? Because there’s more to it. Languages are products of their cultures, which means there often won’t be direct translations for words that have complex meanings. ‘Ayni’ is one of those words.

‘Reciprocity’ means an exchange or agreement with mutual benefit. ‘Ayni’ brings into that notions of abundance and communal benefit. It is so hardwired in Western culture and Western business practices to see things from a scarcity mindset. The assumption is always that there isn’t enough to go around, that more for others means less for us, and that survival demands looking out for our own interests.

That assumption is fundamentally wrong. And yet, it creeps into almost everything we do in business, especially negotiation. That fear of scarcity drives us to act against our values, and drives a wedge into what could otherwise be valuable relationships.

The scarcity mindset is something we’ve embraced unconsciously for far too long. With conscious negotiation, we make the intentional choice to shift that thinking.

In practicing the 3 principles of conscious negotiation above, I challenge you to also embrace the concept of ayni; to believe in abundance, to believe that there is enough for everyone, and to believe that mutual benefits will have a far higher long term pay off.

With that in mind, let’s dive into what conscious negotiation in business looks like.

10 Tips for Effective Conscious Negotiation

1. Issues over positions

Positions are rigid. They trigger emotions and lead to people digging their heels in. Positions can also be rooted in values, which neither side will feel good about budging on.

Interests, on the other hand, are moving targets. They are the continually shifting circumstances each party is working with. Focusing on interests empowers mutual understanding of what matters to each other, and clarity into where compromises can be made that honour and respect all parties, and leads to growth outcomes.

Let’s explore some examples of positions vs. interests in professional negotiations:

Position Approach Issue Approach
I deserve to be paid more and my boss doesn’t want to do that. Based on my skills, experience and credentials, I am in a position to be receiving higher compensation. I understand the organization has procedures, and there may be other issues I’m unaware of. I’d like to open a discussion.
They’re overcharging us for these parts. They need to back down, or we’ll find another supplier. The recent price increase on parts is out of our budget. I see there have been fluctuations across the supply chain. I’d like to learn more about how that is impacting our supplier and how we can work together.
This is the better package for the client, but they’re going to want the cheaper option. The higher priced package includes XYZ which, in my experience, is what this client needs to succeed. However, I recognize that they may have budgetary concerns. I’d like to learn more about their objectives and limitations to see how we can create a successful agreement.

When you start from positions, you close so many doors. When you start from issues, you bring more doors into focus. It’s a “winning vs. creating” approach. Are you in this purely to win, or are you in this to create long term success?

Issues are where the most flexibility exists. It’s where you can create solutions while 1) staying aware of your impact, 2) keeping your focus on the big picture, and 3) acting with integrity.

2. Listen more than you speak

You’ve probably heard that before, but have you heard this one: the listener holds the power!

Although I don’t want you to think of this in terms of a power play. Rather, think of it in terms of your capacity to positively influence. The more you listen, the more you learn about the people, teams and organizations you’re negotiating with. The more you learn, the better you understand what matters to them and what challenges they face. The better you understand, the more possibilities you’ll see for both of you.

As organizational psychologist Ruchi Sinha noted in her TED Talk, many failed negotiations are actually the result of misunderstanding rather than disagreement. Commit to listening – really listening – and being open to understanding.

So… what if the other side isn’t talking? Here are some questions to get the communication flowing:

“What does this look like for you?”

“What is challenging you most right now?”

“In an ideal world where everything is possible, how would you like us to work together?”

“What comes up for you when we talk about XYZ?”

Lean into the power of silence. If they give a short answer, pause. Most of the time, they will want to fill the silence and you’ll learn more.

3. Show your cards

Trust is always a two-way street. Of course there are things you simply can’t share, either for legal or ethical reasons, and most people in a business negotiation are aware and understanding of that. There are, however, many things you can share, but may hesitate because of those deeply ingrained traditional negotiation models.

If you want everyone to open up and trust each other, you may have to take the first step. That may sound like:

“This company is important to me. My heart is in the work and I want to continue. I also have personal financial goals that I’m committed to meeting. Part of meeting those goals includes a compensation increase. Are you open to discussing possibilities?”

“With what’s happening in the economy right now, we’re concerned about committing to this price for parts. We have to plan for things we’ve never had to plan for before and it’s nerve wracking. What has your experience been?”

“I know this is the higher price point, and I strongly believe it’s what you need to meet the goals you’ve laid out. Can you tell me more about your current situation? I’m sure the more we both explore, the more possibilities we’ll find.”

4. Choose curiosity over assumptions.

It can be beneficial to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and imagine what they might be experiencing, as long as we stay grounded and aware that our minds are engaged in imagination. This is curiosity.

Assumptions, on the other hand, assume that our imaginings are fact, and that’s when we put limitations on ourselves and those around us.

Always choose curiosity. When you think you know what someone’s issues might be, bring it out with curiosity: “Would it be correct to say… I’m sensing this is a hot button issue… It sounds like there’s more to this… Would you weigh in on a thought I had…”

The only assumptions you should be making are that you’re seeing things through your perspective, and that there are other perspectives for you to learn from.

5. Explore your mental models (and theirs)

Traditional ways of doing things end up creating the mental models that guide us when we follow them unconsciously. Author and psychologist, Adam Grant, recently said, “Too many people spend their lives being dutiful descendants instead of good ancestors.”

Just because a method worked for previous business generations doesn’t mean it’s applicable to today’s world. Or tomorrow’s. We need to fundamentally shift the way we do business because the world has fundamentally shifted. And because the world needs to continue to shift in even better directions.Mental models are a huge part of that necessary shift. Before entering into any negotiation, complete the mental models worksheet to better understand where your mindset is coming from, what’s driving it, what truly matters to you, and where you can be flexible.

Exploring mental models is a powerful way to shift your approach to one of creativity, and to ground you in the fact that any negotiation is simply a conversation between humans, meeting on human terms, with human strengths, human struggles, and human values.

Commit to being a good ancestor; to doing the work to shift your mental models, so that you start paving a better road for the ones who come after you.

6. Know your BATNA

Your BATNA is your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. One of the most common concerns in a business negotiation is that you might be taken advantage of. Nobody wants that to happen, and it can be a valid concern in a relationship where trust hasn’t yet been built.

BATNA means considering all your options before meeting with the other party, and determining your plan of action if an agreement can’t be reached; not just an idea, but a full plan, with steps laid out. For this, it can help to first define your ‘why’ – the purpose that drives you, your project or your organization. As Simon Sinek discussed in his TED Talk, your ‘why’ is what truly resonates with others. It’s also what truly resonates for you. It puts meaning behind all your efforts, including negotiations. Let your ‘why’ drive your BATNA to ensure that it is designed on a solid foundation.

Doing this gets you clear on exactly where you cannot compromise in order to maintain your integrity. With your integrity protected, everything else opens up to possibility, empowering you to focus your negotiations on those big picture outcomes you want to create. If you watched the Ruchi Sinha TED talk, you may have noted her point of not being attached to a specific outcome. Attaching yourself to an outcome creates a rigid, defensive mindset. Knowing your BATNA is the antidote to that. It empowers you to let go of specific, rigid outcomes and stay open to creativity, flexibility and co-creation.

7. Help them know their BATNA

Embrace your inner negotiation coach! It’s to your advantage that the other person(s) has the same clarity you have. Remember, the relationship is the priority. That’s the long term win.

People often enter negotiations without full clarity into what they can and cannot accept. They’ve decided what they want to get out of the conversation, but they haven’t really dug into their own ‘why’, which is where a world of endless possibilities exists.

Use powerful questions to get them thinking. Start with, “What truly matters to you,” then, as they respond, encourage them to excavate further with questions like, “What about that is most important?” “In an ideal world, what would that look like for you?” “You mentioned XYZ. Tell me more about that.” “Where does that fit into your big picture?”

8. Work to establish a shared purpose

A shared purpose is, by nature, an “us together” approach. When you have one, you can move forward as a team.

A really impactful strategy in creating a shared purpose is to get the other person to take the lead in designing it. Early on in the conversation, ask something like, “What do you see as our objective here today?” Using a phrase like “our objective” influences them to consider both of you together, and asking them to give their input first helps them to feel at ease and in control of the situation.

The reality is, each of you is in control of yourselves and a conscious negotiation respects that. By giving them this opportunity to exercise their control, you’re guiding them into a mindset of shared purpose and co-creation.

If you’re struggling to determine a shared purpose, there’s an amazing concept of the “third side” that mediator and author of Getting to Yes, William Ury outlines in his TED Talk. The idea is that in any negotiation, there are the two sides at the table, and a third side, which encompasses the bigger picture in which the discussion is taking place. Getting clarity on the third side can help you uncover the things that matter to you both, and what you can grow from.

9. Validate everything they say

Validating is not the same as agreeing, or giving in. Rather, it’s recognizing their experience and perspective as valid and worthy of mention.

Let’s say you’re negotiating a raise at work. Your manager says, “The company has standard pay rates based on title and years with the company.” You could respond with something like, “The company has standards in place. Here’s what I’m experiencing, and I’m wondering what else is possible.”

Or, let’s say you’re negotiating the terms of a sales contract. Your client says, “My superiors won’t go for this.” You might reply with, “You’re concerned about how your superiors will react. Let’s explore that.”

In neither of these scenarios are you capitulating or even agreeing. You’re simply validating.

Consider it an exchange of empathy – being empathetic towards the other, and asking for empathy for yourself. In Never Split the Difference, master negotiator Chris Voss explores this concept in depth. It’s about recognizing, with empathy, the other person’s concerns, then asking for empathy in return, which allows you to “disagree without being disagreeable”. In this way, you stop seeing each other as enemies, but rather, human beings with needs and concerns.

When we feel heard, seen and respected, we feel more at ease and open to co-creation. That’s what validation is all about.

10. Slow down

Urgency creates stress and blocks creativity. Take it slow. Maintain a calm, relaxed pace. Be in no hurry. Even if there’s a firm deadline, acknowledge it with confidence and kindness. That might sound like, “There’s a tight timeline on this, but I see plenty of time for all of us to be heard and to create an agreement that honors what matters to everyone. Why don’t you start us off?”

If others seem to be rushing through things, or pushing others to go faster, call it out with kindness, “I’m sensing you feel pressured to get through this quickly. I respect that and I want us all to walk out of here feeling good about what we create. I’m confident we can do that in the time we’ve been given.”

If the urgency is more about the time of day, or other things going on, shelf the discussion for another time. “It sounds like you’ve got a lot going on right now. I don’t want you to feel rushed into a decision when you don’t have to be. How about we pick this up tomorrow morning?”

Is Conscious Negotiation Weak?

Recently, I was challenged with the argument that many of the techniques used in conscious negotiation would be seen as weakness. I was teaching a class and a student was struggling with the fact that this isn’t the way things are done.

You know what? That student was right. This isn’t the way negotiations are typically carried out. These techniques aren’t what many of us are taught and they probably would be seen as weak by anyone dedicated to traditional, battlefield models.

Does that mean this is a weak approach? No. Quite the opposite.

For one thing, anytime you choose to go against the status quo, you’re choosing a path of high resistance; a path that demands inner strength, and a whole lot of courage.

Secondly, if you read back through the tips above, you’ll see that at no point are you expected to capitulate on what matters to you, give in to unreasonable demands, or show your whole hand.

Let’s explore an example. This particular student seemed to struggle most with the idea of showing your cards, and brought up the Ackerman negotiation model. I admit, that threw me. Having since looked into it, it’s a technique I know well (and you probably do too, in some form or another), but I’ve never known it by its name. Now I do and I’m grateful for that learning opportunity.

The Ackerman model is a technique of making an extreme high or low bid – depending on which side you’re on – before eventually negotiating up or down to your actual target. There’s nothing wrong with starting on a high or low bid. The problem is tying yourself to a particular outcome, as that closes your mind to other possibilities you may not have considered. It binds your flexibility. As long as you know your BATNA, you’re in a far more advantageous position if you’re open to more possibilities.

What if the other side is using traditional models like the Ackerman model, or some other technique? Won’t they see your approach as weak? Well… so what if they do? Another person’s perception of you doesn’t change what you have the power to agree to. That power stays in your hands. Let’s say they see weakness (or, what they perceive as weakness), so they try to take advantage of you. Again… so what? You’ve put in the time and effort to know your business, get clear on your BATNA, consider their side of things, align with your values and purpose… that’s a strength that can’t be toppled.

Weakness comes from worrying about things you can’t control. It shakes your confidence and divides your focus. True strength comes from staying grounded in the one thing you always control – how you choose to show up. Remember, all it takes is one person’s energy to shift the whole conversation. Choose consciousness. Choose to challenge the status quo; to be a changemaker; to refuse to take the path of least resistance because ‘that’s what everyone else is doing.’

Are You Ready to Take the Next Step?

To help get yourself ready to negotiate consciously, use the conscious negotiation prep sheet here. This sheet will help you get the clarity you need to negotiate with intention and focus. When you fill out the sections for the other side’s perspective, keep in mind that this is an exercise in imagination, not assumptions. It’s meant to develop your skills for seeing other perspectives and keeping your mind open.

In any negotiation, the one thing you can be sure about is that everyone involved is a human being. You’re all just people. People with similar fears and insecurities, and people with values and goals they need to align with. There is so much space for flexibility and creativity in that, so why limit ourselves and our organizations with a ‘win or lose’ mindset? Adopt a conscious mindset and open yourself up to possibility.

If you are interested in conscious negotiation coaching to open up possibilities for yourself, your team and your organization, I invite you to connect with me.

How to Prepare (and Deliver) Great Presentations

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In this article we will cover:

Let me ask you… how do you feel about your presentation skills?

If you’re like many of us, the idea of giving a presentation, or speech, or leading a meeting can be nerve wracking. That’s totally normal and it’s still possible to excel at giving presentations. I’m going to guide you through some tried and true presentation techniques so that you will know exactly how to prepare a great presentation, even if public speaking doesn’t come naturally to you.

I’m also going to share something else with you: public speaking does not come naturally to me!

As a coach, a huge part of my job is leading presentations, keynotes, workshops, and even giving live interviews. I have never felt 100% comfortable with it. There’s always a part of me that worries about messing up or not giving my best to my audience.

For me, learning how to prepare for a presentation step by step was a big part of building both my skills and confidence but ultimately, it was stepping into full self-acceptance that empowered me to successfully lead talks, presentations and coaching workshops, even on those days when I’m not feeling like my best self.

Getting comfortable giving presentations was important to me because it was a critical part of creating what I wanted for myself. So I dug in, got real with myself, and went to work building those skills.

Why Connection Matters More Than Presentation Techniques

In developing my skills, I learned that you can prepare a good presentation in practical steps, but your inner experience is truly the difference between good and great, and great and masterful. Even when it comes to technical aspects like how to prepare presentation slides, connecting within will not only make your presentation amazing, but help you feel more at ease and in control, which helps you better connect with your audience. When you have these critical connection points, your audience actually tunes into you, engages with you, and connects with the content of your presentation.

How Presentation Skills Combat Fear

The very human truth is, public speaking is scary. And if you think you’re the only one shaking in your boots, think again. Not only is public speaking the top fear among Americans, many people even fear it more than death! And yet, it’s something we all have to do at some point, especially in leadership roles.

Like any fear, we can only truly overcome it by facing it, head on. That doesn’t mean diving in unprepared. Rather, it means working to develop your skills and build your confidence, so that facing your fears becomes a little less… fearsome.

The tips I’m sharing here are a combination of practices that worked for me, and some that worked for people I know and respect. Ultimately, it’s about finding what feels right for you – your personal sweet spot – and getting yourself in the right headspace to create and deliver amazing presentations.

Top 11 Tips for Effective Presentations

1. Practice messing up.

Guess what? You might mess up! Even if you practice till it’s perfect, you might stumble, forget something, or mix up your words. So what? Everybody makes mistakes. It’s only a big deal if you aren’t prepared to handle it.

When practicing your speech or presentation, don’t start over when you mess up. Instead, imagine you’re doing it live and dance in the moment. Create from it. Make a joke or simply acknowledge it. Keep it light. Something like, “Oh… guess what? I just skipped a whole section! Let’s rewind a moment.” You’re human and that’s ok! I once had a leadership teacher recommend intentionally making a mistake in the first few minutes to own your humanness and create that critical human connection right at the start.

Have I ever messed up, unintentionally? Definitely. Actually, a few times. Each time, I ask myself, “What is the ‘fertlizer’ in this? How can I use this to grow and deliver an even better presentation next time?” Once while filming for TV, the interviewer threw me for a loop with a question. I stumbled and got blocked for the rest of the interview. Thank goodness it was not live. The interviewer said, “This will not make it on air. You’re in luck, we have some extra time today, let’s reshoot it.” This was the final result.

If you’re nervous about messing up, you could even say that right from the start because… it’s normal and human! I remember hearing Brene Brown talk about feeling nervous and telling herself, “They are people.” As someone who has coached thousands of people at all different levels, I can tell you with confidence that just about every person, in every audience you encounter, shares the same fears, concerns and insecurities. They all struggle with self-acceptance, speaking their truth, personal Gremlins, and wanting to feel like they belong. They are people and you can be a person with them.

The reality of live presentations is, you could even face interruptions totally beyond your control like an audience member’s ringing phone or a malfunctioning microphone!

Mistakes and stumbles aren’t bad. They humanize you so your audience can better connect with you. You’ll also feel more confident going in if you aren’t worried about messing up. You might mess up, but so what? You’re ready for it!

 

2. Connect with your content via your heart.

Delivery is so important. Not that it has to be perfect (see #1). Rather, it needs to come from your most authentic self; from your heart. People sense authenticity – often unconsciously – and that can determine whether or not they connect with you and your content.

Think about it. How many times have you attended a presentation, workshop or meeting where the presenter was just reading notes, or speaking in monotone? It makes it hard to connect with the person or what they’re saying. More than likely, you just tuned out. It was missing that heart connection that fuels audience connection.

At times, I’ve given this feedback to people and they reply, “Yes, but I need to say certain things. I don’t want to miss anything important.” My advice is take a deep breath, connect with your heart; your inner leader. Remember that you know your stuff, or you wouldn’t have been asked to present. What you don’t know, you’re capable of learning. Choose your main points, have one slide for each point, and speak from your heart. If you can share an example, fact or anecdote for each point, the audience will better connect with you. Connection is everything. Without it, people tune out and it no longer matters if something gets left out.

What helps me be more comfortable and connected is to talk as if I am talking to a friend. I remember one client telling me, “Imagine you are talking to a room full of people like me. Yes, I have a big title, but you hear all the crap I go through.” It was a great reminder that everyone is human and that’s the level we can meet on.

When you connect with your content through your heart, you find that magic place of deep engagement where your energy and enthusiasm shine through in your delivery. It’s infectious and draws your audience in.

 

3. Involve your audience.

Involvement = engagement. If you can get your audience involved early, they’ll be far more engaged, at ease and invested. Here are a few ideas for involving your audience:

  1. Create a disorienting event – an experience to upset life as you know it. In my leadership tribe, we once started with an event that was purposely disorienting, with the goal of pushing us into serious reflection. I was not happy while it was happening, and for a few hours after that. But, after a day, I realized I had a lot to learn from it.
  2. Show some shocking data or a picture or quote to evoke emotion.
  3. Get them to imagine something. Say something like, “I invite you to do something with me. Close your eyes and imagine…” It’s important for people to feel they have a choice, so frame it as an invitation or request.
  4. Ask a question that activates the creative part of people’s minds. Something like, “If you had a magic wand and could change anything about your life, what would it be?”
  5. Have them write something down. “Before we get started, I’d like to invite you to write down your definition of leadership.”
  6. Get them moving. “I don’t know about you, but I focus better after a few deep breaths. May I ask everyone to stand up and take some grounding breaths with me?”
  7. Ask for a volunteer to help with something or to answer a question.
  8. If it’s online, get people to check in with how they are feeling with a word or two.
  9. Also for virtual settings, try a poll to get people connected around a common topic.
  10. At the end of the presentation, get people to share their favorite takeaways or commitments as to what they will now do differently.
    Break people out into groups or breakout rooms.
  11. Have some great visuals and/or audio. Bonus points if you can get people dancing in their seats a little :) Don’t be shy to lead the dance :-)
  12. Create an “aha” moment. This is usually most impactful about ¾ of the way through your presentation. It’s a profound moment meant to jolt your audience to attention and experience a noticeable moment of shift where they really begin to think or feel in a new way.

The moment the audience becomes involved, it stops being a presentation and starts being a conversation. It draws people in and gets them genuinely interested in where you’re going to go next.

It can also be impactful to set commitments at the beginning of the presentation that bring everyone together. For example, depending on the type of presentation or workshop you’re leading, you might state from the outset that anything people share is confidential and that you have trust in every attendee that they, too, will honour that confidentiality. You may openly set an intention of compassion and invite everyone to join you in inviting compassion into the space. Or your commitments may be more practical such as telling people they can raise their hand at any time, or to please hold questions till the end of each segment, or the presentation overall. Approach these commitments with a mindset of co-creation to create an “us together” energy with your audience.

 

4. Use story for structure.

In my leadership training, my tribe and I were once tasked with preparing a presentation inspired by Joseph Campbell’s Monomyth, or “The Hero’s Journey”. It’s a storytelling structure that connects with the audience in the world of the ordinary, then takes them on an exciting journey into the extraordinary, and finally brings it all back to the world of the ordinary, forever altered by the incredible journey.

It’s a story format that Hollywood uses a lot because it’s a proven method of connecting and engaging with the audience (there’s a great outline here of how it can be used for script writing).

If I’m leading a presentation on conscious leadership, for example, I might start my talk by painting a picture of the traditional leadership styles we’re all familiar with, and the limitations of those styles. The audience can relate to this and we connect in that shared experience. I might then bring in conscious leadership approaches to contrast with that ordinary world and take my audience on an extraordinary journey of possibility! Then, returning to the world of the ordinary, I might bring in case studies of real world organizations, struggling with real world challenges and how they applied the “extraordinary” principles of conscious leadership to forever shift their ordinary world.

This is certainly not the only option for structuring a presentation, nor is it one I use exclusively. It is, however, a deeply powerful method, one that is time-tested and proven to create engagement.

 

5. Plan your pauses.

If you’ve watched a lot of TedTalks, you’ve probably noticed that the speakers all have a certain way of talking that includes a lot of pauses. Most of the talks are actually really short, and it’s in the pauses that information sinks in for the audience and gains in impactfulness.

Pauses not only allow your audience to keep up, digest and really absorb your message, they also allow you to regulate your breathing and hold yourself in the moment.

Plan your pauses and even mark them in your notes. Little stickers are a great way to visually mark pauses on your note cards. Don’t skip the pauses when you’re practicing either. Flow with them, get comfortable with how your body moves with them, and practice how your voice goes from speech to pause and back again.

 

6. Simplify your PowerPoint.

Too often, people focus on having “perfect” slides and end up with overly complicated slides that make it harder for people to follow along.

Shift your mindset into thinking of slides only as supportive documents, meant to highlight key words, points or statistics. They are not your presentation, your words are. People should not be trying to read full sentences or paragraphs while you’re talking.

Avoid falling into the trap of putting everything on your slides. If everything were there, you could simply send it out and skip the presentation all together! Strive to co-create with your audience, not with your slides.

I often have slides with a single word or phrase, or just two or three super simple points, accompanied by a nice visual. These serve as the theme for what I’m discussing, helping people to stay on the path with me. I find that people become far more engaged with my words when they aren’t overly focused on my slides.

 

7. Practice your vocals.

Simple vocal warmups can have a huge impact on the delivery of your presentation AND on your confidence. There’s a fantastic video here of some simple, but highly effective warm up exercises that take just minutes to perform, prep your voice for clarity, and even steady your breathing.

Speaking uses muscles – your diaphragm, tongue, vocal chords, etc. Like any activity involving muscles, we’re better when we practice and warm up before an event. Athletes don’t perform without first warming up. Speakers shouldn’t either.

 

8. Practice in your outfit.

Hand gestures and open body language improve speeches. Fidgeting does not. If you aren’t totally comfortable in what you’re wearing, it will be a distraction for your audience.

When you practice at home or in the office, wear the exact clothes, down to the shoes and accessories, that you’ll be wearing during the presentation. If it’s a big presentation where you’ll be fitted with a microphone, try to find out what that will be like and see if you can replicate it during your practices.

You definitely want to know beforehand if the shirt you chose rides up when you point to graphs, your shoes make your feet sweat, or your watch catches on the microphone wire.

In terms of what you choose to wear, what are your core values? What is your big picture vision? Find clothes that align with that energy.

If you’re going to be on camera – either in a virtual presentation, or filmed for TV – film yourself in your outfit to see how it looks on camera. I once appeared in a TV interview thinking my outfit worked, only to realize too late that it came across differently on camera!

I once received these guidelines for a TV interview, and I now stick to them, even for virtual meetings and presentations: “We kindly ask you to come camera-ready. You always need more makeup on camera, even if you’re live. Also, please don’t wear stripes, checks or small patterns. Solid, bright colours work best. Do not wear all white, black sattin, or silky fabrics. DO NOT WEAR GREEN, TEAL OR YELLOW.”

The part in all caps was specific to TV appearances, as those colours can interfere with green screens, but the rest of the advice is really good for virtual speaking engagements. You want people focused on you, not getting dizzy from your shirt pattern.

 

9. Practice tuning into your audience.

For this, I highly recommend taking an improv class, joining Toastmasters – a leadership development organization that focuses on public speaking skills – or even creating a group on your own. Try out a few different groups to find one that feels right for you. Noticing what your audience needs and what they’re responding to (or not responding to) demands that you be fully in the moment and comfortable making adjustments or even letting go of your notes, depending on the energy and response of the audience. It’s 3rd level listening on a whole new level!

With a group like Toastmasters, you can really get a feel for what people connect with about your presentation. In the show Friends, for example, producers tried out the Monica and Chandler relationship dynamic on live audiences where they were able to gauge reactions before turning it into a full blown storyline. This tells us two things. Number 1, practicing on a live audience gives us invaluable insight, and 2, if even the most successful and experienced Hollywood producers rely on dry runs, the rest of us can benefit too.

Practice situational self-awareness – awareness of your impact and the strengths you can draw on. When you have a high situational self-awareness, you easily focus on the here and now. You are tuned into the impact you have on others, and the impact they have on you. You are able to read the room, notice how people are reacting, and adapt. Are people nodding off, looking at their phones, losing interest? A speaker who goes on regardless of the audience “vibe” lacks this awareness. Speakers who adapt, are practitioners of awareness. Adapting can even mean calling it out. “I am noticing that I’m losing you. Where did I lose you?” Invite questions. Invite in-the-moment feedback. Check in with your audience. Dance in the moment. Presentations (with the exception of keynotes) leave a lot of room to adapt to what comes up for the audience, and are always better for it. Intentionally plan time to practice awareness and adapt to what is needed. You could even work this into your planned pauses (see #4).

Relationship and connection are most important. In a one-on-one conversation, we check in and adapt as we go along. Bring that to your presentations. Be present, open and flexible. Bring a conversational energy.

 

10. Practice, practice, and practice some more!

Practice makes… comfort! When you feel totally comfortable both with your content, and your delivery, it takes away so much of the anxiety.

I often coach people on how to have difficult conversations, and I usually tell them that it never really gets easy but, with practice, you get a lot more comfortable, which eases the anxiety and allows you to connect better with others.

The same is true of presentations. It’s never easy to give a presentation, but with practice, you can get comfortable with it. Practice means practicing your specific talk until you know it backwards and forwards, with and without notes, on your own, in front of a mirror, in front of others to get their feedback (this can be a huge help, both in building your comfort and seeing how your talk is received), and it means practicing public speaking in general. Volunteer to give talks or lead meetings, ask questions in public settings, make small talk with cashiers, ask for directions even if you know the way. Work your vocal muscles. Practice your body language. Take yourself outside your social comfort zone. Accept the parts of you that feel anxious and know that you are capable and worthy of expanding your skills in all directions.

Even after finishing a presentation, continue to practice by asking for feedback. Feedback can be hard to hear, especially when it is negative, but it really is helpful in improving your skills and doing even better next time.

Practice. Practice some more. Practice again. Never stop practicing!

 

11. Be YOU!

Whenever we feel nervous about an interview, first date or other event, what’s the most common piece of advice? Just be yourself! Here’s why that’s actually great advice: when we show up as our truest, most genuine selves – not trying to emulate some ideal of who we should be – other people feel it. When we do the opposite, they feel that too. And that – not perfect slides or flawless delivery – is the difference between a connected audience and a tuned out audience.

So… what’s missing from that great advice? How to actually BE yourself! How do you not just connect with your true self, but also get comfortable bringing the true you forward? Mindfulness and intentional living are overall approaches to life that can also be tapped into as public speaking tools.

Let’s look at a few examples:

  • Meditation: Regular meditation teaches you to notice thoughts and feelings without judgment, empowering you to consciously decide which ones you will respond to, and which ones you will let go of.It also strengthens the neural connections between your mind and body, which is a huge factor in calming your body in times of stress or excitement. If you experience physical reactions to presentations – sweaty palms, tummy butterflies, increased heart rate, shallow breathing, hand tremors and so on – a daily meditation practice is a must as it creates self-regulating habits that you will reflexively reach for when any stressful event occurs.When it’s a regular practice, you’ll also be able to enter that state of stillness and ease more quickly, meaning even just a few minutes in meditation before giving a talk can have a huge impact on how you show up for your audience.
  • Notice what puts you in a good mood: In your day-to-day life, take note of what lifts your mood so that you can lean into that just before a presentation. Sometimes I spend a few minutes in a downward dog pose, or I skip, or dance to one of my favorite songs. Maybe you feel joyful after doing a cartwheel, or listening to a comedy routine. Notice what makes you smile from ear to ear!
  • Practice gratitude: Tell yourself how lucky you are to have this opportunity and remind yourself of all the steps that brought you to that place. Thank yourself and the Universe (or whatever higher element resonates with you) for getting you to this place. Take a moment of gratitude for the fullness of your life, knowing that this presentation is both a gift and merely one element in this wide, wonderful, multi-faceted life you’re creating for yourself.
  • Grounding: Another favorite of mine is to practice grounding, both as a regular practice and just before a speaking event. It helps me connect with the Universe, which puts me at ease, thereby putting my audience at ease.
  • Care for your physical well-being: Plan to have a good night’s sleep, to eat well and to feel as good in your body as possible as this translates to greater mental clarity and awareness. If you need to release stress, go for a walk, do some jumping jacks or even burn your fears.
  • Recognize your Gremlins: We all have inner Gremlins or Saboteurs. Do the work to recognize yours so that you can consciously take away their microphone and tune into your inner leader.

All of these are examples of mindfulness and intentional living practices that serve to develop and maintain your connection to yourself, empowering you to bring YOU forward with ease.

A Note on Virtual Presentations

Even before Covid, more and more presentations were moving online to accommodate dispersed teams, remote workers, and to allow ideas to reach global audiences.

The tips above apply to virtual presentations as well. In fact, these tips may be even more important for virtual presentations as we’re more likely to encounter technical issues and struggle with engagement, making it so critical to be able to flow with whatever comes up, stay in the moment, and focus on connecting at a human level. I must admit, this is my biggest challenge. I always seem to have some technical glitch at some point and choose to roll with it by making a joke about how not to judge me on my technical skills.

The basic steps in preparing a presentation can be found from many sources, and are usually dependent on the specifics of the presentation, audience, event, etc. For example, some experts advise to analyze your audience before choosing your topic, but a lot of the time – especially in workplace settings – your topic is determined first. What would matter in that situation would be to find a way to align your content with your purpose and values – for it to feel authentic to you – otherwise your audience would feel the disconnect.

Always, your most valuable asset is YOU. The more you work on yourself and embrace self acceptance, the more confident and approachable you will seem to others. When we haven’t prioritized our growth, it shows. People may not be able to pinpoint exactly what it is, but they’ll feel it.

If you would like guidance in connecting within in order to create connection with others, I invite you to connect with me.

Sending heartfelt presentation vibes your way!

What Does it Mean to Be Transparent in the Workplace?

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Let me ask you… When you hear “transparency”, what comes to mind?

It’s said that transparency in the workplace builds trust, which leads to better communication, fewer interpersonal issues, greater employee retention, and many other benefits.

But, what does it actually mean to practice transparency? What does it look like? Is it possible to overshare? What about confidentiality? What if everyone else rejects the idea?

I get many questions from many different people. Of course, every situation is unique and there will be different kinks and quirks to work through. But, there are some general guidelines for workplace transparency that can help you start exploring the benefits, even if you’re the only one on board (for now). If you’ve already begun practicing transparency, see this as guidance for how to improve transparency in the workplace.

What is Transparency in the Workplace?

Transparency means not having anything to hide, which is different from having things that should be kept private or confidential. It means embracing all of yourself – your shadow and your light – and living as that person, as your whole self, in both your personal and professional life.

The person who has something to hide, has something to hurt. It isn’t that people set out to hurt you, but what you try to hide, or refuse to accept within yourself, becomes a trigger, easily set off by whatever is going on around you. It also creates an energy of distrust that people feel, intuitively, whether they are conscious of it or not.

Whatever you try to keep behind your mask (your figurative mask, not Covid mask) actually becomes more visible. Let’s say you see someone talking down to others while bragging about themselves. It doesn’t take much to realize that their arrogance is a mask, hiding insecurities about their own worthiness. By trying to hide them, those insecurities actually become glaring red flags, continually on display.

On the other hand, if that same person were honest with themselves about their inner struggles, spoke to themselves with kindness, and outloud said occasional things like, “I hope I’m doing the right thing here. I sometimes worry about that.” … Wouldn’t our image of them change? We’d no longer see them as insecure, but as honest, strong and human. They would be much more at peace with themselves as well.

I really like this definition from the Four Winds: “Transparency means establishing congruence between who you say you are and who you really are. It means walking your talk.”

That’s what’s at the heart of workplace transparency. It’s owning who you are with love, and showing up as that person, so that your energy can be directed towards something better than hiding what makes you human.

The Importance of Transparency in the Workplace

We hide more than insecurities at work. Often, we hide our true strengths, talents, values and purpose because we feel uncomfortable or afraid. We worry about what people will say or about opening a box that can’t be closed again.

When we hide these things, we aren’t bringing our best selves forward. Not only can our work suffer as a result, our well being and happiness at work suffer as well, as do our relationships with the people around us.

It also isn’t just arrogance that we hide behind. Not speaking up, people pleasing, procrastinating, impatience with others, staying in our comfort zone… all of these things are “mask behaviours”. They are things we do to hide our true selves and stay safe. The problem is, safe means stuck.

When people get stuck, teams get stuck, and the whole organization can get stuck.

A great example is one explored in The Arbinger Institute’s, The Outward Mindset, which reviews the case of Ford Motor Company which, in 2006, was losing about $17 billion a year. Yes, BILLION. A major contributor, as the new CEO, Alan Mulally discovered, was that it was not safe to fail at Ford. Mistakes were grounds for firing and everyone knew it.

Mulally implemented a traffic light system whereby leaders were expected to present a weekly report on their status with anything on track coded in green, anything at risk coded yellow, and anything off track coded red. Well, it was no surprise that at first, everyone reported green. Nobody believed it was safe to be honest – to be transparent – so they hid any issues. Until finally, one person took a risk. They reported RED. To everyone’s surprise, the new CEO thanked him for his transparency. To even greater surprise, the person who reported a red issue wasn’t fired! That’s when things finally started to turn around for Ford.

If lack of transparency can result in a $17 billion annual loss, and cultivating transparency can bring a company – even a company as big as Ford – back from such massive losses, just imagine what it can do for every other organization across the globe!

Transparent Communication in the Workplace 

“Stuckness” is often driven (and upheld) by communication issues, and lack of transparency is a HUGE communication issue.

Why? For two main reasons:

  1. It puts us in battleground mode instead of co-creation mode. In battleground mode, we’re either on the defensive or offensive. Or both. We put our energy into staying safe, holding back, worrying about how we’ll be perceived, etc. Or, we put energy into keeping other people on their toes, deflecting, acting “big”, and so on. If we drop those barriers and let ourselves simply be, all that energy can be redirected towards listening, understanding, and co-creating.
  2. We do not speak our truth, or hold space for other people’s truth. Truth sets us all free. It allows us to be at ease with ourselves, to speak and act with integrity, and to be trustworthy for others, inspiring them to speak more truth as well. Especially as leaders, we have to be the first to speak our truth. We have to do it consistently and courageously, or it simply will not feel safe for others.

Everyone around you has their own truth, waiting for a safe space to emerge. When you open up to sharing your truth from a place of curiosity, you become that safe space, and that allows more truth to emerge.

Speaking of his emotional experience guiding Starbucks through the 2008 recession, former CEO, Howard Schultz said, “I think the currency of leadership is transparency. You’ve got to be truthful. I don’t think you should be vulnerable every day, but there are moments where you’ve got to share your soul and conscience with people and show them who you are, and not be afraid of it.”

Practicing transparency is a powerful leadership skill and a critical element of better workplace communication, more authentic conversations, greater collaboration, and an overall work environment of trust that leads to higher productivity, employee retention, creativity, ingenuity, self-management, and so much more.

How to be Transparent in the Workplace

So… what does it actually look like to be transparent in a professional setting? It comes down to integrity – speaking truthfully, respecting the other person as a human being, owning your mist-takes, being open about when you can’t share, and so on.

Here are a few examples of what that could look like:

Avoiding Transparency Embracing Transparency
“Don’t listen to rumours. I’ll tell you when there’s something to be told.” “Many of you have heard the rumours about potential cutbacks. I can’t share specifics at this time, but I can tell you that conversations are ongoing and the goal is to finalize a plan in the next two days. I know this is a stressful time. Please come to me if you want to talk.”
“Yes, our team can take that on.” “I need to speak with my team first. Together, we’ll have a better idea if that would fit our current bandwidth. When can I get back to you?”
“Let’s not worry about that right now.” “I don’t know the answer to that. Let me ask around.”
“I don’t have time for this conversation.” “I have a lot on my plate right now and I feel like I can’t give this conversation the focus it deserves. Let’s reconnect first thing tomorrow morning.”
“It’s fine, we’ll make it work.” “I messed up. I thought that would work and it didn’t, and now we have to play catch up to make our deadline. I’m really sorry and I’m in this with you all. Where can I start?”
[Saying nothing at all] “I have an idea. It’s a bit out there, and I’d like to explore the possibilities.”

What you may have gathered from these examples is how common it is to avoid transparency, but also how ok it is to embrace it instead. Putting transparency into practice might feel scary, awkward or unnatural at first and that’s ok. You can even be transparent about that! “I’m working on being more transparent. It feels weird, but I’m committing to sticking with it.”

What’s really coming through with transparency is truth. And truth always brings more truth. You’ll likely become more truthful with yourself, and others are more likely to share their truth with you. Truth puts people at ease, and it’s when we’re at ease that our real brilliance can shine.

How to Promote Transparency in the Workplace

It all starts with you. You cannot control how other people choose to be, but you can exercise your own influence. You can take 100% responsibility for how you choose to show up, for stepping into integrity, and for embracing transparency as a leadership skill.

The bottom line is, if you want employees to feel safe, seen, heard and respected, you need to blaze that trail. If you want them to be honest and raw, YOU need to be honest and raw. If you want them to open up about failures or mistakes so that everyone can progress, YOU need to open up about failures and mistakes.

So, before trying to encourage transparency in others, look inward to the work you may need to do. Specifically, focus on:

This inner work will build the core strength needed to fully embrace transparency, and give you clarity into your inner experience, because it’s a lot easier to speak truthfully when you know what your truth is ;)

Once you’ve started doing your inner work, you can turn your attention outward. To promote transparency in your workplace:

  1. Practice it intentionally and consistently.
  2. Talk about your experience openly, especially any hurdles you encounter.
  3. Be conscious of how you respond when others speak truthfully.
  4. Learn how asking questions can encourage transparency.
  5. Keep an open mind and leave judgement out of the equation. People remember how you respond (or don’t respond) and that has a huge impact on the direction of the conversation, and the overall relationship.
  6. Recognize, openly, the courage it takes when someone speaks transparently.
  7. Embrace difficulty, chaos and uncertainty. Show that you put people and honesty first, and not just when it’s easy.
  8. Explore your own mental models and those of others to better understand what might hold people back.
  9. Acknowledge updates, changes or rumours immediately by bringing them out into the open. Don’t let anything fester.
  10. Work at building a culture of integration to create a sense of belonging and safety for the people you lead.

Above all, remember that transparency isn’t just for when you have the answers. In fact, it can be especially powerful when you don’t have them. If you don’t know the answer, or you’re feeling anxious, or you’ve noticed a problem within the team, but don’t have a ready solution… bring it out anyway! As humans, we are so perceptive. Even if we can’t clearly identify “he’s scared of something” or “she’s holding back”, we notice changes in mood, energy, tone of voice and so on. Bringing it out shows people that it’s ok to not know and that it’s safe to ask, to think out loud, or to share a perspective.

A Quick Practice for Embracing Transparency

Transparency isn’t easy. As much as it’s become a buzzword, it still isn’t the norm in terms of what’s practiced in many workplaces. That sense of moving outside the norm can often feel like the biggest hurdle of all.

Be courageous and be kind. With yourself and with those around you.

I’d like to leave you with a quick practice to help you start embracing transparency:

  1. Sit in silence. Close your eyes, if it feels comfortable.
  2. Place your hand over your heart and take a few deep breaths.
  3. On the inhale, say to yourself, “I am…” On the exhale, say, “… my breath.” I am my breath.
  4. When you feel relaxed, ask yourself, “What makes me uncomfortable? What am I afraid for people to see?”
  5. Come right up close to it in your heart and mind. Look at your discomfort or fear from all sides. Talk to yourself about it. Ask yourself, “What’s scary about this? What do I gain from keeping it hidden? What could I gain from dropping this mask?”
  6. If you feel yourself getting anxious, return to your breath. “I am… my breath.”
  7. Then, return to your discomfort and try again.

The more comfortable you get being with your discomfort, the more comfortable it becomes. Like a gritty piece of sand in an oyster, it gradually becomes a smooth, beautiful pearl. If you’re struggling with this, you may want to take it a step further and practice a fire ceremony to help you shift any difficult emotions.

All parts of you are worthy. When you believe that to the point that you feel it, transparency with others becomes second nature.

If you would like guidance practicing transparency or developing a culture of transparency in your team or organization, I invite you to connect with me.