Everyone Is Watching What You Tolerate

Why accountability is one of the clearest ways a CEO shows care

There is a conversation I often have with CEOs, and it usually begins with someone they genuinely like. Someone who has been with the company for years. Loyal, kind, perhaps even wonderful to have around. There is just one problem: they are not delivering. And the CEO knows it.

They have known it for weeks, sometimes months. They have made excuses, given the person more time, quietly picked up the slack, and hoped things would somehow sort themselves out. (Spoiler: they rarely do. 😂) Why the wait? Because they care about the person. Because they do not want to hurt them. Because they know the conversation will be uncomfortable. I get it. I really do. Caring about your people is one of the best things about you as a leader.

But here is the question I always come back to: what about everyone else on the team? The people who are delivering. The ones picking up the extra work. The ones quietly wondering why the same expectations do not seem to apply to everyone. They are watching too, and whether you realize it or not, they are learning something about your leadership.

Everyone is watching what you tolerate.

Accountability is not about being harsh

Somewhere along the way, accountability got a bad reputation. For some leaders, the word brings up images of confrontation, criticism, or the tough boss nobody wants to work for. So they swing in the opposite direction. They become understanding, patient and supportive. All wonderful qualities, until understanding becomes avoiding, patience becomes accepting the same behaviour over and over, and support means quietly doing someone else’s work.

That is not kindness. That is a lack of clarity. And clarity is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone.

Kim Scott captured this beautifully in Radical Candor: the leaders people trust most care personally and challenge directly, at the same time. Heart & Strategy adds the inner work underneath it, knowing yourself well enough that the hard conversation comes from respect rather than fear. Heart reminds us that we are dealing with human beings, people with strengths, fears, personal challenges, ambitions and potential. Strategy reminds us that we also have a responsibility to the organization, the team, our clients and the results we have committed to delivering. You do not have to choose between caring about people and holding them accountable. The best leaders I know do both, every single day.

Fair has a structure

I have worked with leaders who were frustrated that someone was not meeting their expectations. So I ask a simple question: “Have you actually told them what you expect?” Sometimes the answer is no. Or they hinted at it, mentioned it in passing, or assumed it was obvious. Your people cannot read your mind. Even the really talented ones. 😂

Before holding someone accountable, make sure you have created the conditions for them to succeed. That means being clear about what is expected, what success looks like, and why it matters. It means giving feedback when something is not working, rather than saving it all up for the annual performance review like a surprise party nobody wanted.

And perhaps most importantly, it means getting curious. Before assuming someone is unmotivated, careless or unwilling, ask what is going on. Maybe they do not understand the expectations. Maybe they lack the skills or resources. Maybe priorities shifted, something personal is weighing on them, or they are simply in the wrong role. You will not know until you have the conversation.

Accountability becomes far more constructive when you approach it with curiosity rather than judgment. Be clear about the gap. Listen to their perspective. Agree on what needs to change, what support is available, and when you will follow up. And if you never communicated your expectations clearly? Well, you have something to own too.

The longer you wait, the more expensive it gets

Here is something I want every CEO to remember: avoiding an accountability conversation does not make the problem disappear. It just means you are no longer the only one having a conversation about it. Your team is talking. They notice when someone repeatedly misses deadlines, when a colleague behaves in ways that go against the organization’s values, when one person gets away with something that would never be acceptable from anyone else. And they notice when you do nothing.

An unaddressed issue works a lot like an unpaid invoice. The interest keeps compounding. The longer you wait to have the conversation, the more expensive it gets. You pay in the trust of the people who are doing their part. You pay in standards that slowly slide. You pay in your own credibility. And the person you were trying to protect pays too, because how can someone change what they do not know needs to change? How can they make an informed decision about their future if nobody is willing to tell them the truth?

This is not only true inside your own walls. One CEO I worked with was dealing with external partners who were not honouring their side of an agreement. They fully expected to go against their part of the deal and still collect every benefit it offered. And they did, for as long as they could. Until the CEO stepped in and stated clearly what the agreement required and what the consequences would be for going against it, they milked it for everything it was worth. Clarity was not aggression. It was simply the end of the free ride.

Sometimes the most caring thing you can do is have the conversation you have been avoiding. Not to shame someone, and not to prove a point, but to give them the clarity, dignity and opportunity to take responsibility for what happens next.

Bring me the problem early

One of the most revealing moments in leadership is not when everything is going well. It is when someone brings you bad news: a mistake, a missed commitment, an unhappy client, a decision that did not work out. How do you respond? Do you get frustrated and look for someone to blame? Do you make the person regret telling you? Or do you get curious and ask, “What happened? What are we learning? What do you think we need to do next?”

I am not suggesting mistakes should have no consequences. I am suggesting that your response determines whether people will tell you the truth next time. If your team is afraid of your reaction, they may start hiding problems, minimizing mistakes, or waiting until things are impossible to ignore. By then, a manageable issue may have grown into a much bigger, and much more expensive, one.

Fear creates silence. Trust creates truth.

And you cannot have real accountability without truth. As CEO, you want people bringing you problems early, while there is still time to do something about them. That takes an environment where people feel safe enough to be honest and responsible enough to act. Both matter.

Blame looks back. Responsibility looks forward.

There is a big difference between blame and accountability. One puts people on the defensive. The other creates movement.

This does not mean ignoring poor decisions or repeated behaviour. Sometimes there need to be difficult consequences. Sometimes a role needs to change. Sometimes a working relationship needs to end. But even those conversations can be handled with respect. You can be compassionate without lowering your standards, direct without being disrespectful, and deeply caring while still recognizing that something needs to change.

Same standards. Very different conversation.

Everyone is watching what you tolerate

Culture is not what you write on your website or hang on the office walls. It is what happens every day: what gets celebrated, what gets challenged, what gets ignored, and what gets tolerated.

I saw this play out in a company where one person consistently hit and exceeded every target, while treating the people around them with contempt. Leadership looked the other way, because this person brought in so much money. They always got away with it. Without ever saying it out loud, the company had made its priorities clear: money over people. And the team got the message. Engagement dropped. Then other high performers, the ones who did not want to work that way, started to leave.

Here is what I believe. A truly great employee has both Heart and Strategy. It is not only about performing. It is about bringing everyone else along with you: aligning together, respecting each other, supporting each other, leaning on each other. Someone who delivers the numbers while pulling the team down is not your top performer. They may well be your most expensive one.

You can say accountability is important, but if commitments are missed again and again without a conversation, what are people learning? You can talk about respect, trust and excellence all day long. Your actions will always speak louder. People are paying attention to the decisions you make, the conversations you have, and perhaps most of all, the conversations you avoid.

That is why accountability is not just a performance management issue. It is a leadership issue, and it starts with you.

The good news? You do not need to become a different person to lead with greater accountability. You do not need to be tougher, louder or less caring. You need to be willing to tell the truth, listen with an open mind, set clear expectations and follow through. You need to care enough about the person, the team and the organization to have the uncomfortable conversation. That is Heart & Strategy in action.

Because accountability is not the opposite of care.
Accountability is care, out loud. ❤️

This reflection is inspired by my forthcoming book, Heart & Strategy: How the Best Leaders Navigate Uncertainty, where I explore how leaders can bring humanity and clear thinking together, especially when the decisions are not easy.